


Tales of Balancing a Ledger

by linabauer



Series: shine, dream, smile, oh let us light up the night [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Study, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Maria Hill-centric, Natasha Romanov-centric, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), ha you thought we would have no angst, hit you with the angsty angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:54:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 31,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23852632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linabauer/pseuds/linabauer
Summary: It's in her nature, in her blood. But coming home makes it better, she decides. Light a candle. Wash her sins away. Watch a movie with her family.-Or, Natasha Romanov and living through 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 while keeping her family safe, and vice versa.-The universe readies for the Mad Titan, with Earth 616 having their own troubles too.
Relationships: Maria Hill/Natasha Romanov
Series: shine, dream, smile, oh let us light up the night [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716211
Comments: 4
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

2013, 10 February

Galina walks through the hallways of S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy with Yelena. All the chattering was obnoxiously loud. So unlike the quiet murmurs and swishing of leotards and clinking of handcuffs in the Red Room. 

Yelena, it seems, is also thinking the same thing, grip on her hand tightening.

There's a sea of students and trainers, Yelena and Galina stay invisible. 

They walk up together to the Principal's office, where Natasha and Maria would be.

Galina hears the newer students complain about having to wear uniforms. She doesn't see what's wrong, she's proud to be of S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy. She's worn a uniform her whole life, most of her new closet consisting of the uniforms.

Their uniform was nice enough, with pinafores for the girls and neat blouses worn on the inside. The pinafore is an inky grey, almost black. They were allowed to wear culottes every friday, the culottes a shade of dark blue. They wore their training attire with that, shorts underneath and a collared standard training shirt. They kepy their hair neatly tied, Galina choosing to tie her hair in a simple ponytail while Yelena had her hair braided.

If she remembered correctly, braiding was another tradition of the Red Room. One twist for every ten fights won. Students were only allowed to braid on special occasions once they reached the age of 13.

Some things sticked, no matter the rigorous re programming they had to go through before they were cleared, just like Natasha.

Speaking of her mom, they were at the office.

Knocking gently, Yelena opened the door.

"Ah yes, Ms Belova and Ms Lazarev, come in."

They had chosen to keep their own names for the sake of subtlety. They didn't want the whole place to know that they were the adopted daughters of the Deputy Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Black Widow. Their relationship was also very private, preferring to keep to themselves.

Only Fury, Carter and Barton knew. The principal was told that they would be accompanied by the two women, but not that they were technically their moms.

"Take a seat." Galina settled down in the chair, Yelena sliding beside Maria.

"So, today we'll be sorting them into grades and classes. Based on their applications, I'll say I am quite impressed. Ms Belova, at 15, is supposed to be in Grade 10, but with your express permissions, she can be enrolled into the Computer Sciences course for 17 year olds. If so, you'll have to fill in another form, here."

"Now, for Ms Lazarev, I have been informed that her case is, special. In S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, we do not allow students to choose their courses until age 15, but we instead have the students go through different courses throughout the years. She may choose to participate in co-curricular activities that complement her interests as there are a wide variety. If you'll sign here."

Maria and Natasha looked through the forms, let Galina and Yelena have a look, before signing.

"Congratulations, Agents in training. Welcome to S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy, head to your respective classes before you are late."

They headed out of the office, thanking the principal.

Once they got into the bathroom, their "we're just their accompanying adults" personas faded.

"Congrats girls, you're going to the Academy!" Maria says.

"We're going to keep this short, because the bell rings in fifteen minutes, but stay out of trouble, don't make too many enemies, and have fun okay? I'll be working until 7 tonight, and then we're going to buy a cake and celebrate," Natasha says, twinkle in her eye.

"You're not supposed to have sugary foods until next month, remember the diet plan you resolved to stick to?" Yelena raised her eyebrow.

"Okay, but today's special," Natasha argues.

"She's right, don't be a spoilsport Lena," Galina says, taking Natasha's side.

"Thank you! At least someone in this household appreciates sweet food."

"You're going to get fat," Maria teases.

"No, I'm not, I workout."

"Getting heavy Nat," Maria says in a sing-song voice.

Natasha scowls and pokes Maria in the ribs.

"Get a room you two," Yelena sarcastically says.

Maria and Natasha look at each other, eyes sparkling.

"Oh god I know that look. Stop having eye sex, we're too young for this," Yelena groans and covers Galina's eyes, who in turn bats and her hands.

"We'll, since you **told** us too," Maria wiggles her eyebrows.

"Please don't."

Natasha and Maria chuckle.

"Alright girls, see you two tonight. I'm going to bring you two to cake shopping and we'll wait for Nat to come back, okay?"

"Yes mama."

"Please don't get into any fights. Please don't."

"We'll try mom."

Yelena and Galina grin and they head out.

"Your children are going to be keeping the principal busy Masha."

"Oh, my children? Really?" Maria shoots her the unimpressed look.

"That reminds me, we have to get cat food for Liho. She's come back yesterday but we ran out. Liho baby hates me now," Natasha pouts, and Maria laughs, leaning down for a kiss.

"Yeah yeah, that's your cat, we better head for work."

Natasha sighs.

"Here's to another day of beating rookies into shape and drinking crappy S.H.I.E.L.D. coffee."

Maria laughs.


	2. Chapter 2

2013, 10 February

Galina sits down on the floor and dumps her bag into her cubby hole in the front of the class. She was early by ten minutes. There were plaques on the floor for designated places for the agents in training. Galina's, thankfully, was at the back of the class. 

More students started to come in, parents waving goodbye. They all didn't notice Galina until someone pointed her out and they all started whispering. Galina looked around. It was a class of 15, from the number of plaques on the floor. 10 Americans, 2 Africans, 1 Asian and 2 Europeans. She supposed she was in the European-Asian group, even if she looked Asian. She was a Russian through and through, and she would stick to herself. They didn't look like a bright bunch, besides from the girl named Ebele. She was making decent conversation about some new tech she and her father had invented together to her other friend Ariana. 

Galina would never be able to relate to these... children. She may have the body of a child, but her mind was decades old. But she'll adapt. Survive.

The teacher comes in and introduces herself. She's Ms Anita. Ms Anita calls her to the front of the class to introduce herself. Galina does. Ms Anita warmly claps her on the back and lets her sit down. They go through some stretches. Today's first lesson is position stances for fighting. 

Galina has her own set routine for training, and she follows it whenever she feels like training. Which was about five times a week, much less than Yelena and Mama and Mom's everyday. Still good though. 

But, in interest of following mama's words to not get into fights and listen to the teachers, she follows. She sees how the boy, George, is failing miserably at touching his toes. The boy's American through and through, with a Californian accent. 

Galina decides to hold back her abilities, besides, they're a bit rusty at the moment. She pretends to struggle with her motor coordination, pretends to wobble slightly, pretends that she can't do a split (she was never the most flexible, but Red Room helped her very much in that area, by making her stretch four hours a day, it worked to a certain degree). 

The lesson is over and Ms Anita gets them to go change. She silently rolls up her mat, takes her clothes and heads for the restroom. 

She hears the whispers, the speculation. They call her cold, some think they should go ask them to join them for lunch (she wasn't, she would be reading later during lunch in the library), some are guessing who her parents are, and this particular boy calls her weak as he was observing her pretend to fail. 

Stupid American boys, so full of themselves. Except Clint, he was nice, but then again he was more of a carnie than American.

2013, 10 February

"Привет сестра, как дела?" Yelena casually heads over during break time, their timetables coninciding.

"Honest opinion or the flowery one?"

"Honest one."

"Well, уроки скучные, малцьчики тупые, с девушками все в порядке, в целом это не плохо, для американской школы."

(Well, the lessons are boring, the boys are dumb, the girls are okay, but overall it is okay, not bad for and American school)

"приятно слышать, веселиться." Yelena chuckles.

(good to hear, have fun)

"до скорого." Galina replies as they head to their separate destinations.

(see you soon)

Galina turns away from the class and heads for the cafeteria, deciding to see if Natasha and Maria's complaints of the crappy coffee were vaild.

"One coffee, black," she orders, and the cook is going to give it to her when she does a double take.

"Aren't you a bit too young for that, kid?"

"No, I was born about thirty years ago Miss," Galina replies sweetly, choosing to go for the stereotyped beginner at english kind of chinese accent to match her looks.

"Funny, but I don't think you're getting that kid."

Galina sighs. 

"Look, appreciate the concern, but there's a line, and I'm not leaving without my coffee," Galina coldly says, adjusting her posture and removing all traces of accents, letting her natural voice flow. And by natural voice, it meant a blend of accents mixed together, not quite European nor Asian nor Canadian nor Middle Eastern, just everything in between. 

"You look like you're five, coffee isn't healthy for you kid. Maybe a hot chocolate?"

Galina closes her eyes and inhales deeply and exhales.

Galina opens her eyes and gives her best steel glare. Which was pretty damn good if the woman flinched at a six year old.

"Galina, told you not to get into fights today," Yelena groans as she suddenly appears behind Galina.

"эта сука отказывала мне в кофе." Galina says, giving the lady a cold enraged smile and turning back to Yelena slowly.

"Ma'am, so sorry, I'll just get the coffee," Yelena apologizes.

The lady looked more than flustered and Yelena takes the coffee, hands it to Galina, gives her a warning look that Galina promptly ignores and strides off to her new friends, if the group of girls waiting for her were any indication.

Galina decides if flipping the lunch lady off was worth it, but it might result in her getting punished, so she settles for taking a long sip of her coffee, turns around to give the lady an eyebrow raise, and sashays off like she's going to practice her strangulation skills on a poor unsuspecting civilian, but Natasha, Maria and apparently new law enforcer Yelena would kill her, or maybe punish her, she wouldn't put it past anyone here to do it. And since she was in her piss poor six year old body, she decides against it.

Coffee check, time to go finish up her book Curiosity House, a series Maria found and decided to give to her.


	3. Chapter 3

2013, 10 January

Maria sighs as they finally put the kids to bed. The apartment is relatively empty, she and Natasha never really used this place. Most of the times she was onboard the Helicarrier and Natasha would camp at her own apartment that looked even emptier than Maria's, but Maria's bedroom, or Nat and Maria's, was basically the only room really lived in. They had bought a lot of stuff for the two girls, who finally had their own separate rooms.

"I knew we shouldn't have given Yelena wine, who knew she was such a lightweight, she's going to have a killer hangover tomorrow," Maria says as she flops down onto the couch with Nat.

Nat hums and wraps her legs around Maria's waist, pulling her down.

"Gonna have to send them to S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy tomorrow, but with a few painkillers she'll be okay. Nothing the girl can't handle. Good to see that they're settling down, huh?"

"I think I'm even prouder than the time you decided to finally stop eating like you haven't seen food in ten years."

"To be fair, I was starving. And I was trying not to fall asleep."

"That's not how it was one hour later when you were screaming," Maria teases, eyes glinting wickedly.

"Jackass."

"Your ass, and don't even bother denying, I've seen you stare at my ass for one minute before Clint snapped you out of it."

"You have a very fine six."

Maria smirks and drags her fingers up and down Natasha's legs, causing Natasha to shiver.

"Careful, the kids are still traumatized from this morning."

"We'll be quiet then, maybe gag you or something," Maria murmurs and moves up to kiss Natasha.

Maria doesn't miss the way Natasha's pulse increases and pupils dilate at the suggestion.

Maria sucks up Natasha's neck as she tilts her head back to allow more access.

"Maria."

"Hmm?" 

"I love you."

Maria's breath hitches. It's their ten thousandth and more times doing this, but everytime Natasha says those three simple words, whether those exact three or implied, Maria's blown away. By the gorgeous, beautiful woman under her, writhing and supressing moans, by how much she loves Nat, her Nat.

"Oh yeah? Show me," Maria commands, and she sees how Natasha whimpers at the tone.

Natasha grins and does some flip and the next thing Maria knows is that Natasha's straddling her, teasing her with deft fingers and butterfly kisses and the occasional nip.

They spend the rest of the night coaxing wave after wave of pleasure from each other, and thank god for gags and the soundproof shower cubicle.


	4. Chapter 4

2013, date redacted

"You don't have to do this Nat," Maria soothes, stroking one her her knuckles.

"I have to. I owe it," Nat quietly says, staring at the camera feed of the high security prison on the Helicarrier.

"You did all you can Nat, don't be too hard on yourself."

"I should have done something, back all those years ago," Natasha whispers, ghost pinpricks of tears forming, tearing at her.

"You know you couldn't have done much, Nat. He's here, he's going to be okay, just let go Nat," Maria softly murmurs, pulling Natasha into a hug.

Natasha wraps her arms around Maria, rocking back and forth.

"Let go Nat, he's going to get through this. Steve and Tony are going to get him through this."

Natasha's grip tightens on Maria and Maria lays her head against Natasha's, inhaling her scent.

"I hope so, Masha. I love you, you know that?"

"Love you too Nat."

Natasha sighs and swallows her tears back, keeps the doors of the dam close.

"I'll miss you," Natasha says.

"Miss you too, we'll skype. Please eat healthy and don't run yourself ragged hunting down HYDRA with May and Barton."

"Shut your mouth and run me like a river," Natasha teases in a sing-song voice.

"Oh god, you're never going to get over that one time where the stupid arcade machine gave you a higher score than me for that song are you," Maria groans, fake punching Natasha on the arm.

Natasha catches Maria's arm and gives her a quick peck.

"Never, never letting you go."

Maria's eyes soften.

"I'll see you soon Commander."

"I'll see you soon Natty," Maria laughs at the adorable pout the name brings to Natasha's face.

Natasha gives her one last brief kiss before she goes for the exit of the Helicarrier. There's other agents who are also saying goodbye, to friends, to family they made in S.H.I.E.L.D.

This is what Maria works for. Order, peace. If the price of keeping the balance of innocent and guilty in the world stable, she'll damn well do it without complaint.

She watches from the docks as Natasha waves goodbye, the Helicarrier starting up.

Maria presses two fingers to her forehead on impulse, and Natasha's smile is something Maria manages to see even that far away.

Maria watches until the Triskelion Headquarters is only a pin prick, and returns to the duties of Commander Hill, including housing a currently being re programmed assassin from the 20th century.


	5. Chapter 5

2013, date redacted

Natasha falls into her comfortable day to day routine. She wakes up, gets some coffee and cereal, or a granola bar, sends Galina and Yelena off, trains, lunch break, trains, and trains and trains, makes dinner when Maria isn't around, tries to catch up on paperwork (fails mostly), and then sends the kids to bed, unwind and meditate before sleeping.

It's stable, its good. She and Nick worked out a deal where if Maria was gone for work, Natasha would not go on any mission that took more than three days.

Sure, a little bit of a waste of her talents, but she's okay with it. Once Maria gets back, she'll breathe again. It's like they're still in the honeymoon phase.

Also, she needed to make sure Yelena and Galina didn't destroy the apartment.

It's been a week when all the agents she has to train somehow end up on missions or injured, or on leave. Natasha misses the times where she can train with Maria or maybe Steve. Clint was also nursing a broken arm from his latest mission in Portugal, involving a nasty genetically mutated horse that nearly killed Clint. Natasha may have laughed. Clint may have scowled.

Natasha spends five hours at the gym alone before she gets bored and wanders around the Triskelion again. Rediscovers places and hiding spots and nooks. Climbs into Clint's vents and leaves him a chocolate bar just in case. She's so bored, she really needs something to take her mind off the boredom. Maybe learn Japanese? She's never learnt that yet, she specialises in undercover work in European or Western countries, so she learnt French, Italian, German, Latin, Italian, et cetera.

Maybe she could do some online shopping, she needs new leather jackets, hers are worn out and may have a few bullet holes in them. Maybe.

If she borrowed Maria's and did anything to it she would toss her off the Helicarrier without a parachute, or give her decaf. So, no. Anyone who thought Commander Hill was not scary or intimidating was either extremely stupid or had seen Maria off duty and drunk.

Poor Maria, stuck with 30 rookies on their first Helicarrier flight. The amount of puking that's going to go around. Admitedly, Natasha had felt woozy for a week the first time she was on the flying aircraft, but no one knew. Except maybe Clint, but she could still beat his ass even when repressing the feeling of throwing up every five minutes.

So, she'll request for a mission. Besides, every since her re programming, she hasn't been on more than two simple ones.

The paperwork though...

Ah well, I'll suffer a bit.

Time to go pick up a form.

She swings her legs off the edge of the roof and heads down to the lift.


	6. Chapter 6

2013, 28 February

Galina had somewhat settled down already. It's her third week, or maybe fourth, she's not sure. She counts in hours and days, not weeks.

Galina snaps her gum and heads down to class. She's heard that Yelena's built quite the reputation, punching another classmate on the face after he called her European bitch. Good for her, at least she stood up for herself. 

Galina stuck to the shadows, no matter how much her actual 6 year old self wanted to be the shining star in the class (she could, she might, but now's not the time).

Galina settles down, hiding her gum under her tongue. No one notices her, of course. She's in the shadows with ghosts of the past. 

_If she sits still enough and has music playing at a soft volume she might just hear them, but they usually don't bother her_

Galina sighs as she curses S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy for not giving the kindergarten kids chairs and tables. Would it kill them to have to sit on chairs for six hours, with intervals between?

She could complain to Maria. She'd understand, Natasha would have just dragged her own chair and table in. 

Galina sits and suffers in silence. Everyone in the class has already found their "best friend forever". Ms Anita had encouraged the kids to mingle, to have a "united class", and Galina tried her hardest not to snort. As if any of these people would understand. 

Friends were just puppets to get what one wanted. There were no friends in this world.

So Galina snaps her gum silently, leans backwards and crosses her legs.

2013, date redacted

Natasha handed in her form and the response comes back in the morning the next day.

Natasha swears so violently that the agent that walked past tsked. Natasha glares and she scurries off.

"What. The. Fuck. I swear I will hunt down the person who gave me this mission and-" Natasha cuts off as she sees the neat signature of Maria Hill at the end. A stamp of approval. "-and give them a kiss," Natasha sighs.

So. Great start to her day. Training rookies was going to be a thing now huh?

So she was going to train stupid cocky 16 and 17 year olds at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy as a substitute now. 

Natasha sometimes wonders if Madame is specifically trying to make God let her suffer. Or perhaps Satan, she was definitely burning in hell or playing tennis with Hitler. Or she was still alive and S.H.I.E.L.D. was hunting her.

Hopefully the former, if anything happened to Maria...

Natasha shakes the grim thoughts away from her mind.

"Well, gear up Romanoff, you're going to be beating more fresh ass again."

2013, date redacted

She hates this fucking job. She wore a disguise just for this, and gave herself a new name, Miss Golding. 

Miss Golding was blond, had blue eyes (not like Masha's though, Masha's were a pretty ocean blue that sparkled).

She was already ten minutes into the class, still at warm-up, and blowing her whistle like her life depended on it because holy fuck is this really the future of S.H.I.E.L.D.? 

Most of the agents in training were struggling to make it through 3 miles. It was idiotic, and it looked like Natasha would have to get them up to fitness standard first.

Natasha groaned and rubbed her forehead.

Fuck this, she regrets handing in that form. She was so annoyed at Maria right now.

One of the girls yelled that another girl was going to faint and Natasha rolled her eyes before going to attend.

2013, date redacted

"Babe, I hate you," Natasha grumbles as she calls Maria.

Maria laughs.

"And why?" She teases, raising an eyebrow.

"You know why. I hate training kids."

"You did well with Galina, from what she tells me," Maria shrugs.

"Galina's completely different from these stupid, idiotic and unfit slugs you call Agents in training!" Natasha whines before she can stop herself.

"You know, someday we'll have to hit the gym together, have a bit of sparring match again, then we'll see how good you still are."

Blood under her nails, blood in her hair. Someone's guts in her pants, Maria squinting at the darkness after her.

"Nat? Nat?"

Natasha shakes her head violently.

"Where are you? Where'd you go?" Maria softly says.

"Back. I don't think I'll be comfortable, you know, sparring with you yet. Sorry," Natasha says after a pause.

"It's stupid I know, I'm sorry."

"It's fine Nat. You're not in there anymore. We're going to hunt them down, Barnes is going to recover."

"Sometimes this feels like a dream you know. Like the song you sing. Like its all a dream, maybe a long fever dream. What if I'm still back there? White cube. Chains, James feeding me the liquid. Seeing you, making me hate you. Snap. On pointe," Natasha whispers and trembles.

"Nat, baby, you're safe. You're okay, you're no longer in Red Room. Nat, breathe. This is **not** a dream. Nat, babe, breathe for me. In and out."

Natasha's breaths come in gasping shudders.

Maria swears silently as she sees a full on panic attack.

"Nat, Nat. Look at me. I love you. Breathe for me Nat. Breathe. In and out. Just follow my voice. You're safe, you're okay. You are Natasha Romanoff. You are no longer the Red Room's."

Natasha closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose, slowing down the sharp inhales and shaky exhales. Her chest is rapidly rising and falling, wheezing sounds coming out.

Maria aches to be back. To hold Natasha, to wrap her in a hug and not let go. Never let go, let her wrap herself around her like a koala the whole day, to hell with that, the whole week if she needed to.

"Hold on babe. That's it, breathe. Breathe Nat, любовь."

Natasha inhales through her mouth, calming her heart down. 

I'm okay, I'm here, I haven't killed Masha or Galina or Yelena. I am Natasha Romanoff, I am with S.H.I.E.L.D.

It takes a while, but she finally works through the last of the tremors.

They sit in silence for a while. Maria's smile looks rueful and like she's hurting because Natasha was hurting.

"Nat," she whispers.

"Masha, I'm sorry. I love you."

"It's okay, I've got you baby. I'll be back in a week, maybe less. If I kick more rookies' asses tomorrow, I should be back earlier."

Natasha gives a chuckle at the mental image of a scary Commander Hill with her "do not fuck with me today, or tomorrow, or any day actually" face to the poor agents and barking orders at them.

"I miss you. It's like I need you or I'll go crazy," Natasha smiles a bit.

"I miss you too. Say hi to the girls and Liho for me. I got you Nat. I love you."

Natasha uncurls herself from her small ball and stretches out.

"I have to go, screaming at the others and all that. See you soon Nat."

"See you," Natasha says, blowing a kiss to Maria as Maria pretends to catch it and Natasha laughs at the over exaggerated manner she does it.

Maria always knows what to do to cheer her up.


	7. Chapter 7

2013, date redacted

Maria stares at the screen for sometime before putting it away. Now was not the time to be distracted, she had a emergency drill to prepare for at fucking stupid o clock at night and was going to be carried out at 2am in the morning.

She sighs and pushes the ache in her heart away. Compartmentalise, Maria. Only for her family, only for the trio of crazy Russians and a tiny black kitty would she be compromised. Always.

Maria Hill steels herself as she climbs down from her tree of safety and becomes Commander Hill.

2013, date redacted

Maria finishes the list of things to go through in a record breaking 2 and a half days. 

The Helicarrier lands in New York at 1am.

Maria Hill picks up her things, all in a small bag, and heads home.

It's a familiar route, one she's travelled many times. She moves on autopilot, weary and tired.

She silently unlocks the door, wincing slightly as the click of the door's locks sliding into place once she closed it reverberated through the empty silence.

Maria revels in the feeling of home, in Yelena's snoring sounds, in the faint glow of Galina's nightlight, of the open bedroom door to her bedroom. To hers and Natasha's.

She was planning to take a bath first, but fuck it. She's missed Nat like crazy.

Maria leaves her things on the couch and heads for Natasha.

She's, of course, awake.

Natasha smiles and pats the side of the bed for Maria.

Maria shuts the door, takes off her hoodie and jeans before climbing into bed beside Nat, Natasha immediately on her and resuming octopus mode.

Maria smiles softly and inhales in Natasha's scent.

"I missed you," Maria says.

Natasha presses a kiss to Maria's forehead and buries her face into Maria's shoulder blade.

"I'm here, I got you," Maria promises as Natasha's muscles unravel and she shakily exhales.

"Let's get some sleep," Maria suggests and rolls them over so that they're laying on their sides.

"Love you Masha," Natasha whispers and her arms tighten around Maria.

Maria knows. Natasha knows that she knows.

Coming home is easier than expected.


	8. Chapter 8

2013, 24 March

It's been a while since Natasha's re programming, since her second defect. 

Natasha's rebuilt herself, her life, her family. 

With her help and Yelena's, combined with the efforts of S.H.I.E.L.D., Red Room has been taken down. Or, almost. Natasha killed Madame. She was easier to take down than expected, once all the other Widows were taken down, or had fleed.

Natasha decided to let them go. Maybe they had a chance of redemption, but if they got on S.H.I.E.L.D.'s radar, they would be ready. 

HYDRA had run off, that damn slippery organisation. Maria was leading another team, of the trustworthy people, to weed out HYDRA agents. 

Natasha is focusing on Red Room. Wipe out some red in her ledger. 

Her hair is fading back to its blood red again. Red, like her dripping ledger. It was gushing, overflowing, suffocating.

It felt like blood. Got everywhere, she hates having to scrape out blood from under her nails and clothes and hair and body when she was caught in the crossfires or in a carnage.

It was in her nature, the Black Widow, fated. She was meant to live this life of tragedy and death and mist of blood and fury and adrenaline.

But Maria's like the water that washes it away, ocean blue eyes bringing her back. Rooting her into the present, as Natasha.

She unwinds after hard missions by taking long baths. Soaking in luxurious salts and bath bombs. Lights scented candles for her pleasure. Lights candles for those she lost, for those she killed but did not deserve death.

But when Maria comes back home, when Yelena and Galina come back, they watch movies. Act like every other stupid, loving American family Natasha had watched and observed on missions back when she was Natalia and during the biweekly movie screening or criticising the Americans sessions.

Her flame burns steady. She goes on missions with Clint, Strike Team Delta back together. 

She winks at Maria, or rather Commander Hill, when she passes by her at work. 

She alternates with Maria to drop the girls off at S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy.

Natasha wonders when her life had gotten so oddly domestic.

She wonders if James is okay. Perhaps, she's heard that S.H.I.E.L.D. was keeping him in a coma for him to recover from the slow prodding and poking at his brain, unravelling decades of secrets and scrambling.

She hasn't seen Steve in a while, she'll have to visit him soon. And Tony, that self-destructing dumbass who somehow managed to worm his way into Natasha's life.

"Tasha, oh my god, it's a dog!" Clint squeals, actually squeals, into her comm as she is brought back to the present.

"Clint, I will buy you a dog for your birthday if you shut up," Natasha hisses.

"Oh my god, you'd better. Laura said no dogs, but I've been bribing her. Lila and Cooper also agree, they want a dog too. We've been sending her dog videos and pasting pictures of dogs in the house."

"No wonder the last time she called me she said the place was a dog shrine."

"It's amazing. Dogs are the best."

"No, cats are."

"Shut up you bisexual sapphic stereotypical woman."

"Cats are the best, Liho is the best."

Clint faux gasps.

Natasha scans the area again.

"Betrayal. This hurts more than the time you knocked me out."

"You'll have to be more specific. I knock you out once every two months."

"Every time then, also, any activity on your side?"

"Negative, this mission sucks, its one degree below hell, and I've been at Stark Towers during winter."

"Goddamn Egypt in the summer, literally crazy. This is so much better compared to that."

"We've got eyes on the target. Barton, you're up."


	9. Chapter 9

2013, 4 April

"Nat?" Maria sleepily murmurs as she turns off her alarm on her phone.

There's no reply. Maria peels an eye open and she sees the side empty.

Maria sighs and gets up to go get ready.

It's 5am, what could Natasha possibly be doing?

She's brushed her teeth and changed when she hears some swearing from the kitchen.

Maria smiles and heads over.

"What's this?" Maria raises an eyebrow at the pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs and donuts laid out on the dining table. Natasha, Yelena and Galina are staring at her nervously, almost as if waiting for a reaction.

"Happy birthday Masha," Natasha says.

Oh. _Oh._

"Thanks, wow. Uhm," Maria walks over and kisses Natasha, hoping to convey all her feelings in that action.

Natasha kisses back fiercely, hands moving back to cup Maria's neck and tugging on a few loose strands of hair.

Yelena and Galina let this go on for a minute before Yelena clears her throat loudly.

Natasha and Maria break apart with a gasp.

"As sweet as this is, we spent like two hours making this, and apparently Natasha can't do anything except fry eggs. You really picked a gem Mom," Galina sarcastically says.

"Oh my god you can fry eggs now?" Maria teases.

"Shut up, at least we didn't relive 2009, Paris," Natasha grumbles.

"You mean when you nearly burned down the S.H.I.E.L.D. office kitchen when you were dropping by to drop off intel? When you were, you said, and I quote, 'Trying to boil water for my coffee but food and drinks hate me, there are enemies all around me Masha, all around'?"

Natasha pouts as Yelena and Galina laugh until they were wheezing and Maria chuckles.

"Mean and traitors, all of you," Natasha complains.

"But hey, you didn't burn down the kitchen this time. Lets go eat, I want food," Yelena says.

Yelena and Galina leave to stack more food for themselves.

Natasha puts her hands on Maria's hips and Maria does the same, smiling softly.

"Happy birthday Masha, we can't drink in the morning because we aren't Tony Stark, but we can do it later."

Maria rests her forehead on Natasha's.

"Yeah?"

"Without the kids. They can't drink. We'll drop them off at Clint's for the night. I've got a reservation at this restaurant that serves some mean Southeast Asian food. It's relatively new, but Melinda told me about it."

"Hmm, but I'm paying."

"Nonsense, its your day. Now, go eat your breakfast and I'll drop the kids off. See you at 8, no excuses, you hear me Commander Hill?"

"Aye aye tiny agent."

"Jackass."

"Yours. Forever."

Natasha's breath hitches and she pulls Maria in for another kiss.

They break apart when Yelena closes the kitchen door not-so-subtly, faint laughter coming from the dining table from the two little she-devils.


	10. Chapter 10

2013, date redacted

So, Mandarin happened. Stark moved back into Stark Tower with Pepper. 

Maria was going to shatter something. Fucking Mandarin. Who knew the guy could cause more trouble than expected? But of course, with Tony Stark in the equation, it made sense.

Maria sighs as she continues with her paperwork. Paperwork, from all the Red Room related missions lately. Damned paperwork. 

Of course, Maria loved her job. She liked that she could do something to protect the world. Stark once said that S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were crazy. He was sort of right, you had to be a certain type of messed up to find a home or comfort in S.H.I.E.L.D.

But there were the small things. Like the face of a mother reunited with her child. Like the camaraderie of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents whenever they congregate for celebrations, or just in the cafeteria gossiping, or as Natasha would say, spill the tea.

Like the redheaded russian. Like their girls. 

The path ahead may be dark and twisty or shit, but she's got S.H.I.E.L.D., she's got Nat and Yelena and Galina and Nick and Clint and Sharon and May and Coulson.

It's a good way to live. 

2013, date redacted

Maria was wrong. So fucking wrong.

She knew that HYDRA had corrupted S.H.I.E.L.D., but the dirt Red Room had on HYDRA was not as much as what was to be revealed.

It all started when Natasha decided to visit Arnim Zola, or his computer brain. Yelena had mentioned it, and Natasha decided to go with Clint for a little spying.

Natasha uncovered a lot. Files, drives, with Zola's goading and his algorithim.

Maria had took one look at the files and had to take a break. Sharon had run off to the restroom to throw up.

HYDRA was one fucked up organisation, even worse than Red Room. Maybe.

Natasha had looked damn near to breaking down into tears, while Clint had stared into space.

They agreed that they would keep this between the five of them. Anyone could be a sleeper agent, they had to be alert.

Natasha had confessed that she was very grateful Fury considered her as trustworthy. There was a time where everyone in S.H.I.E.L.D. lookde at her like she was a bomb. 

They would deal with this. Expose HYDRA agents, slowly rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D.

Just normal Wednesdays for them, she supposed.

2013, date redacted

James Buchanan Barnes was transferred to Stark Tower for re programming. Banner and specialists were invited to help. 

They had to make sure he was stable. Steve paced near him all the time. 

Natasha was glad for James. He deserved to have a familiar face ~~if~~ when he woke up. 

Natasha popped by, checked in with Steve. And talked to Tony, with him and the whole Mandarin business. And said a goodbye to James.

Natasha slips off into the shadows and to her home, ready for HYDRA. Come get me motherfuckers, as Sam would say.


	11. Chapter 11

2013, date redacted

"Romanoff," Fury says over the comms.

Maria tenses.

"Romanoff!" Fury repeats, sounding panicked.

"Wake up, Hill's going to castrate me," Fury mutters the last part.

"Nick, status," Maria asks.

"Shit, hold on, Romanoff! Don't you pass out or die on me, shit."

"Die?" Maria yells.

"Romanoff, oh thank god," Maria hears Nick, that bastard, sigh in relief.

"Agent Romanoff, status. Director Fury, status," Maria demands, heart pounding.

"Please tell me that worked. Tell me I did not just take that much electricity and survive but that son of a bitch is still alive," Natasha groans.

Maria gives a broken laugh. Oh my god. They did it. They just took down Alexander Pierce, all the Helicarriers were landed, but there was more to do. The agents loyal to S.H.I.E.L.D. were still fighting their battles.

"Lets go give Clint and Sharon a hand. Bring in Pierce, I'll take care of him," Maria instructs.

They did it.

Exposing HYDRA. They'd have to do a huge debrief later though, and regroup and see what was the next step. 

Once Nick delivers an unconscious Pierce, Maria ties him up, shoves a chloroform cloth to him, gags him and handcuffs him to a pipe. Also places a bag around his head, if he chokes and faints its not her fault.

Maria Hill stands up from the ground, where she was resting since running and choosing to climb down the tree.

_The baddies are coming, what do I do?_

_Stand and fight them. Give them a bit of roughing up. Show them who's boss._

Maria closes the door, locks it and readies her gun.


	12. Chapter 12

2013, date redacted

Maria Hill is not a sentimental person, but as she clears out her office, she stops to look.

At what she has accomplished. At what the real S.H.I.E.L.D. has done. Without the influence of HYDRA, S.H.I.E.L.D. had bloomed and evolved. They had ensured some semblance of world peace and intergalatic relationships.

Maria Hill was proud. The pride was a warm feeling, warming her core. S.H.I.E.L.D. was like her baby, metaphorically. 

Maria would miss S.H.I.E.L.D., miss the busy days, miss the missions and craziness and nights of sleeplessness. She'd work at Stark Inudstries, a desk job. Natasha and Steve would be full-time Avengers. Maria was grateful to Tony for allowing them to have a place at Stark Towers, for giving her a job even though she might have gone on to FBI, or be like Sharon and go to CIA. But Maria disagreed with many of their rules, and they probably wouldn't welcome the ex-Deputy Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. Besides, there were also HYDRA sleeper agents there too, waiting to be discovered. The Avengers' priority would be to destroy HYDRA. S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy was also no more, the children going to other organisations' schools or in Yelena and Galina's case, they were going to live with the Bartons, go to school with them.

Maria would miss the two hooligans, but they were better off safe there. Nick had ensured that the farmhouse would remain uncompromised.

Nick was dead to the rest of the world, so he was relatively safe.

Maria packs up the last of her stuff, takes a few pictures of her office, the view, and leaves with knots in her gut. 

A last goodbye to S.H.I.E.L.D., to the Helicarriers Tony was going to take apart, to the life she had led for about a decade.

Maria spotted Natasha talking solemnly to Clint and saying goodbye. 

There was a certain cloud that hung over the agents gathered for the final salute to S.H.I.E.L.D.

After the dump of HYDRA intel, along with a majority of S.H.I.E.L.D. intel (thank god they blacked out most sensitive information on files, only accessible to Nick Fury) so the public would only know the main gist of the missions and people, it was chaotic. HYDRA agents escaping, they had handed Alexander Pierce over to the FBI (after doing a bit of their own interrogation, of course), and for the best, decided that S.H.I.E.L.D. was to be disbanded.

Maria set down her things and stepped onto the Commanding Deck, one last time.

"Dear agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.," Maria begun, lump already rising in her throat.

"This has been an insane roller coaster ride. S.H.I.E.L.D. has always stood for protecting the ones who need to be protected. With the recent news of HYDRA infiltrating our ranks, it has been decided between our small committee that S.H.I.E.L.D. must be disbanded. We will, especially me, have to discuss and reflect on what went wrong. On how HYDRA members managed to, right under our noses, climb into ranks like Alexander Pierce and Jasper Sitwell."

"Many of you have lost your jobs. We have made partnerships with other intelligence organisations, and they have agreed to let you join. Make S.H.I.E.L.D. proud of its agents. S.H.I.E.L.D. is just a name we give to our community. Its values live on, through us. Today is the last day of S.H.I.E.L.D., but not the last day we meet. So, as we say before missions, till we meet again, comrades and agents. Thank you," Maria bows as the agents clap. The clapping becomes louder and whistling is added into the fray as Maria fights to keep the smile off her face, inevitably failing as she catches Natasha's grin and fake swooning into Clint's arms.

"Lets have a three cheers for Commander Hill and Director Fury for dealing with our bullshit for years!" Clint yelled.

"Three cheers, and three cheers, and three cheers for Hardass Hill and Pirate Man!" The agents yelled, laughing.

"They're getting bold huh," Maria comments, but the smile on her face betrays the amusement.

Everywhere, there are agents saying goodbye, saluting the place where they met their family, their trusted friends. S.H.I.E.L.D. was more than just an intelligence organisation, it was a home. A place of refugee. For the lost, for the broken, for the ones in pain and suffering. They have rebuilt together, supporting one another. That was what made S.H.I.E.L.D. so strong. They were bonded and close knitted, willing to give up their lives for their fellow agents.

Maria Hill was proud. But, she had a reputation, so she only begun to cry when Clint did which made Sharon cry and made Natasha cry and even Melinda was seen shedding a few tears and excusing herself for a moment.

All around them were S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, if not officially then at heart.

Maria had found her purpose, her home, her family, her life at S.H.I.E.L.D.

It was time to march on and show the world what S.H.I.E.L.D. was really made of.

Maria kissed Natasha in the middle of the Commander Deck as they laughed and sobbed with their family. Yelena and Galina and other Red Room girls would be cared for, because they were also family. The agents would be relocated because they were cared for and not just grunts. 

In his hotel room, Director Fury gave a rare smile as he watched from afar.


	13. Chapter 13

2013, date redacted

Natasha glares sleepily as she heads to the communal kitchen for coffee.

Maria's already up and going over some work with Pepper. Each of the Avenges and Maria and Pepper have their own floors.

"Grumpy," Clint says, but hands her some sandwiches.

"Hmph," Natasha manages to say oh so eloquently.

Maria and Natasha had decided to keep their relationship under wraps, not even the Avengers could know besides Clint. Now with HYDRA out there and without the protection of S.H.I.E.L.D., they were more prone to attack than ever.

Of course, they knew that they could take care of themselves, but worry they still did.

James was being kept in Tony's lab which was fortified about thousands more times. Besides Maria, Steve and Clint, no one knew about their complicated relationship with each other as murder assassin buddies.

Yeah, Natasha's life was complicated. She liked it to be structured and ordered, always planned everything out, but sometimes you just have to roll with it and improvise.

Tony had, surprisingly, kept out of the S.H.I.E.L.D. records. Mandarin had really humbled him, she supposed. It was nice to see that Tony was growing up.

Natasha's past is weird and dark and just plain horrendous. There was a reason why she didn't dump her own personal files, but did select a few Red Room intel files. Experiments, kidnappings, profiles, missions accomplished. Most blacked out too, just the general gist.

Natasha preferred to keep her life under wraps, occasionally give those who didn't know about her scraps of information that were either useless of just half truths. The best lies were woven with truths.

Only Clint and Maria knew everything, or most of the things. 

Natasha knew Yelena was helping Peggy Carter track down Dottie Underwood. The woman was very slippery, could disappear off the face of the earth for decades and resurface again and hide again.

Melina Vostokoff, or her Madame B, was dead. Red Room girls were being put into re programming, therapy and schools all over the world of their choice. There were still tabs kept on them, of course, but they had freedom. Something they deserved.

Natasha wonders how Evgenia's doing. Last she's heard, she was being sent to contacts of Bruce Banner for Inhuman training. Probably the X-Men, even though they were off world. Carol Danvers had sent some messages to Fury on the X-Men of Earth 327.

Yelena had taken a liking to figure skating. Galina wrote and did whatever she wanted to do because lets be honest, her being contained was like stuffing an eagle into a cage.

Natasha was planning to let Liho into the streets again, because it wasn't actually her cat, but Liho had purred insistently and gave her the sad eyes. Maria had yelled at Natasha to "just take Liho already and stop looking like you're going to cry, will you, we're going to be late for our pick-up".

Natasha had scooped Liho up and she had settled herself into the hood of Natasha's hoodie.

Maria had grinned and snapped pictures, much to Natasha's chagrin.

They would still be keeping the apartment, but as a safe-house. Besides, they really were on great pay-rolls of the government and Maria on Tony's.

Even if Natasha wasn't paid by the government anymore for some reason, she always could fall back on free lancing. Or she could model. Or be an assistant. Really, her job abilities were quite vast, thanks to her years of spy experience.

Natasha finishes the last of her coffee as she heads to the gym.


	14. Chapter 14

2013, date redacted

Maria's settled into her job now. It's literally almost like her old one except less shooting people and more diplomacy and politics talk with more old men or hags who don't know more than money and their ego.

Maria sips her fancy cocktail. Tony's bar was really coming in handy. She could hear the Avengers playing Pie Face in the communal room, her and Rhodey staring at those children high on sugar and alcohol. 

She liked Rhodey, didn't know how he and Pepper dealed with Tony for this long.

Stark was a man-child. The rest of the Avengers were not so far off, with Steve and Thor as overexcited dogs, Clint and Sam (who finally came for a visit and was cheering Steve on) were literal birds and Nat, well, Nat was still her cat. Literally, she was sprawled out on the sofa and observing the others get a face of whip cream. Bruce was up next. 

Pepper, sadly, was overseas dealing with some financial transaction related problem. 

"Looks like you and I are the only sane ones left, Colonel," Maria sighs as the team Bruce is on, Tony's and Steve's yells in victory for the round.

"Avengers are crazy, they're lucky to have us normal humans," Rhodey replies in a conspirator's whisper.

"Sometimes I feel like Nick only formed the Avengers for his adopted murderchild Natasha to make friends besides Clint."

"Seriously though, did Director Fury adopt Natasha or."

"I don't think so. Huh, I'm actually not sure," Maria muses.

"What are the odds that they're going to break that Pie Face machine in one week."

"I'd say three days if they continue playing until 2am, maybe four days at most."

"We should bet Tones on that, he runs so many bets and loses most of them."

'If you do, I'm in. We'll get a good deal and split half-half. Bonus to Wilson if he agrees to join in and purposely goad someone to break the machine."

"Deal," Rhodey chuckles as there's a scream of absolute sorrow so loud that Maria and Rhodey actually look over.

It's Tony, staring in absolute horror as they realise they have no more whipped cream and the final points are standing in favour of the team of Clint, Sam and Natasha who did nothing but steal sips of wine from everyone's glasses.

"Hey, Stark, need a hand?" Maria calls out, winking at Rhodey.

"Ah, Eye-Candy Hill! Come join us and help us destroy them with your feminine grace!" Tony says.

"I meant if you need a hand to find your dignity, but yes, I am full of feminine grace, as you put it."

"You wound me. Are you and Vodka Aunt over there trying to gang up on me?"

Natasha meets Maria's gaze over the couch and she blinks.

"Yeah, don't be surprised if you use the Iron Man suit and find rats in there," Natasha mildly threatens.

"Woah, chill there Little Miss Gay Spider."

"Stark, lets make a bet," Maria declares.

"Ooh, knew you were fun in there besides all the darkness and despair Hill. Shoot."

"I bet you couldn't dance. I'm pooling in twenty bucks, Nat?" Maria looks at Natasha.

"Thirty," Natasha says mischievously, twinkle in her eye.

"I'm putting in ten, not everyone is rich here," Rhodey declares.

"Please Rhodey, you're a literal Colonel. I put down twenty," Clint says.

"Well, Metal Man over here seems like he can't dance well, so its a thirty for me."

They all look at Steve and Bruce.

"Twenty five," Steve finally says.

"I'm going with fifteen," Bruce shrugs.

Tony laughs.

"You're all going to have to pay me soon, but we'll need a judge."

"I'd say JARVIS, since he can search up the internet the scoring system and how real dancers do it," Sam suggests.

'JARVIS buddy, you got my back, right?"

"You're back is alright at the moment, a little stiff from the sitting down though," JARVIS replies, sounding like he was actually being sarcastic.

"Traitor, who knew an AI system could be so disloyal."

"You built JARVIS, Tony, now get on with the dancing, or are you scared?" Clint goads.

"Are you recording this?" Rhodey whispers.

'Definitely," Maria agrees, tapping her watch that also served as a holographic tablet.

Tony starts dancing and Maria nearly shatters her glass from nearly dropping it.

"I can't watch, I'm out of here, give me my share of money later," Rhodey declares and leaves.

Maria moves to the couch beside Natasha and Natasha subtly shifts herself closer to Maria, Maria opening up a bit.

"Whatever is Stark going to say when he finds out I used to dance," Natasha whispers and Maria laughs so hard she nearly snorts.

Tony finishes his weird cowboy-tango dance in a bow, tipping his imaginary bowler hat as he takes in the scene of the Avengers dissolving into laughter.

Maria's using this as an excuse to laugh-wheeze into Natasha's shoulder as Natasha just openly stares in disbelief at Tony.

Just a night of Avengers bonding time. Gods, they should be on a reality tv show. Or at least Ellen, she was a gay legend and Natasha and Maria stanned her. Or Jimmy Fallon. That would be cool.


	15. Chapter 15

2013, 1 November

Natasha is a spy, trained and raised in the Red Room. Not many things make her scream. Natasha is fire and light and grace and skill and muscles. Natasha is deadly and a canvas for others to project themselves onto. 

But as Thor suddenly arrived, lightning and all, in the middle of the communal room, with a familiar god in tow, Natasha nearly, very nearly, shot him. 

The Avengers stared at Thor as he yelled for a healer. Medic.

"Thor, big guy, is that-?"

"I have no time to explain, but I can vouch for my brother. He will not do anything to you, he will not try to conquer Midgard again. He needs a healer, he's been mortally wounded."

Bruce looks like he's about to turn green. Natasha gives him a reassuring gaze, and he relaxes just a notch.

Maria. She has to make sure Maria is safe and informed. And Fury, he'll need to know. S.H.I.E.L.D. may be destroyed (by her hands) but she's still got her loyalties.

First, Maria. Next, interrogate Thor. Lastly, if Loki wakes, interrogate him and report to Fury to determine if she needs to manipulate Thor to bring Loki away from earth peacefully, without engaging in combat, because no matter how good she was, Thor was a god.

Natasha thanks the lords that Clint isn't here and was currently visiting Laura. 

Natasha sneaks out of the room to go check on Maria. She was currently having lunch with Pepper, if her usual schedule wasn't messed up.

Natasha, entire body tense and coiled, decides to relieve some stress by scaling down twenty levels to Maria's office.

2013, 1 November

"Natasha, come in," Maria says as Natasha slips in through the door after she rapped on the windows for Maria to let her in.

"Natasha, the dramatic entry really was not necessary," Pepper sighs.

"Loki. Thor brought him here, half dead, demanding for medical attention for him. Should I inform Fury, Maria?"

Maria stops sipping her coffee to contemplate.

"Yes, you probably should. Do we have to go check on the situation?"

"No," Natasha immediately replies.

Maria stares at Natasha.

_Please don't, please let me handle this,_ Natasha's eyes practically beg with fear.

"I trust you can make the right calls. JARVIS, secure the tower. Implement additional security measures on my rooms and Natasha's. Pepper?"

"Do it," Pepper allows.

"Already did, Ms Hill. Fortified protection engaged, additional measures you and Ms Romanoff have added in place."

"Thank you JARVIS. Should we notify Barton?"

"We'll see what's the purpose of the visit first."

"Pepper and I will stay here, I suppose. JARVIS, inform the employers to stay put and stay in a protected room for their safety. Thank god today most workers are working off site," Maria murmurs.

"Make sure Tony doesn't do anything dumb, I trust he can make the right decisions but when science comes into place, he's usually more irrational."

"Understood Pepper. Maria, Pepper, stay safe."

They both nod as Natasha leaves again.

"So, you and Natasha?" Pepper asks.

2013, 1 November

Natasha sends a text to Fury, but he doesn't answer. Probably asleep.

She opens the doors to the communal room again, this time there's blood all over the floor. Bruce, Tony, Steve and Thor are missing, as is the certain godling who invaded New York a year ago.

Thor had better be right that he was trusthworthy.

"JARVIS, show records of what has happened so far," Natasha asks, and watches the replay. Steve, on guard, Thor worried, Loki unresponsive, Tony and Bruce cautiously giving medical attention as Tony simultaneously asked what happened.

"Where are they now JARVIS?"

"In Mr Banner's lab, since Tony's lab has Mr Barnes, they decided it would be safer if the two did not meet."

"Conditions?"

"Mr Laufeyson is currently very weak, vitals at 3%, unconscious, seems to have a spear wound and suffering from malnutrition. His condition has been stabilised for now. Mr Odinson is pacing and explaining what has happened, Sir is listening, along with Mr Rogers, Mr Banner is treating Mr Laufeyson."

"Let me see the footage JARVIS."

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sir has blocked all cameras and systems."

"Thank you JARVIS."

"You're welcome Agent Romanoff."

Natasha sighs as she heads to Bruce's lab to listen.


	16. Chapter 16

2013, 1 November

Natasha lies in the vents as she listens to get a headstart on what the mood was like.

Thor was explaining that Loki had been sentenced to prison in Asgard for the rest of his life. A few months after he was put into prison (time difference), a race that Asgard had battled and defeated had come back, called the Dark Elves. The Dark Elves master, Malekith, sent a Kurse, a warrior, under the guise of a gang robber. They had been put into another prison cell. When it was time, the Kurse revealed himself and broke out prisoners alongside him, but left Loki in his cell. The Kurse had gone on to kill the AllMother, Frigga. Thor had come to seek help from his brother after a disagreement with Odin on what to do next. Loki agreed to avenge his mother's death and they escaped to Svartelfheim. They had a master plan to defeat Malekith, and keep Jane Foster who had the Aether in her that Malekith wanted safe.

The plan had worked right until the end, where they tried to destroy the Aether, but did not work. Malekith and the Kurse attacked, and Loki, to save Thor, was stabbed through the chest by a spear, wounded fatally. Loki, using the last of his strength, connectd to the branches of Yggdrasil and Yggdrasil sent him and Thor to Stark Tower while Jane was dropped off to Darcy's where she would be safer with the young lady.

Loki didn't look good, skin gray and flaking, wound mortality at 88%, the bandages were being changed repeatedly, blood soaking and blood everywhere. The spear left on the ground, it had probably broken about ten ribs and he had a dislocated jaw. If the spear had been twisted out violently at a downwards angle his guts would probably be hanging out of him right now.

Natasha decides to go in.

2013, 1 November

Natasha stalks in, a predator looking for prey.

"Lady Natasha, how good to see you despite these unfortunate circumstances! There is no need to worry about my brother, he is recovering right now. He will not attack."

"JARVIS, lockdown mode. I want full 24/7 live camera footage on Loki."

"Thor, buddy, this is a little awkward, but he's a war criminal, if anyone finds out we're housing him here we could be thrown into jail right alongside him," Tony says, as Thor growls.

"My brother will not be facing jury in Midgard, he will return to Asgard, his rightful home. We must let him recover before I can destroy the Aether, or at the least extract it from Lady Jane and hide it!"

"What's happened?" Natasha asks.

Thor goes on to explain what Natasha already overheard, but that was not what Natasha was looking for. In the vents she could only hear the Avengers and see Loki, but now, she was looking out for body language.

Thor was nervous. Anxious, worried, on edge. 

Tony was confused, anxious.

Bruce was turning shades of green and back to his own skin colour.

Steve was wary, on guard, debating with himself.

"I guess we'll have to let him stay, but with the proper precautions."

"Pointbreak's got these handcuffs, they stop Loki from using his magic on a large scale. He's handcuffed to the bed now."

"We wait for Loki to wake. I'd like to know if he's going to kill us all, or enslave Clint again. Clint's still away, so we better finish this up before he comes back. Don't know how he's going to react. Being unmade and unravelled and remade and stitched together again so as to not fall apart is hard."

"Clint's going to freak when he sees mister godling here, bleeding out and near death."

"Do not speak of my brother like he's going to die!"

"Well Pointbreak-"

"Enough," Steve says.

"We'll take shifts to look after Loki. Either Tony or Bruce will always be here with either me, Steve or Thor. Tony, get your suit on stand-by. Steve, be careful, you go check on James first. Bruce, don't Hulk out near Loki. Thor, don't be overbearing on Loki, he doesn't appreciate being near many when he's weak or vunerable."

"Good enough for me. Bruce, green, why not you go take a break? Vodka Aunt and I will take the first shift. Capsicle, Pointbreak, you two can go."

'I'll be staying," Thor stubbornly says.

"I'll go, check on Maria and Pepper," Natasha offers and slides out smoothly.

Natasha sighs and heads downstairs to inform Maria and Pepper about the situation. Oh yeah Masha, there's this god who was previously the genocidal godling that wanted to conquer our planet who's injured and Thor brings him here because the godverdammte tree of life itself decided that we could help him best and now we have to house him until he's recovered and awake then we decide what to do, not to mention this is breaking about hundreds of national laws, not to mention international laws. Yeah Mia, we should have stayed in bed today.


	17. Chapter 17

2013, date redacted

Loki wakes up to the cool chill of the blankets and tries to shield his eyes from the bright light.

He brings them up, but there's something preventing them from moving. He yanks. 

"Woah woah there, calm down Reindeer Games."

Loki's eyes fly wide open. Where is he, which of his adventures did Thor bring him on this time?

Right. Svartelfheim. The Reality stone. 

"Thor, where is he? Where is the Midgardian lady?" Loki groans as he tries to sit up to at least face Stark with some dignity and figure out if he needs to break out and kill everyone before hunting the stones down to keep them safe.

Loki regards the Captain. At least he wasn't in his ridiculous costume.

"Thor buddy is coming soon, JARVIS notified him already. And in about 3,2,1-"

"Loki!" Thor yells as he barges in. Loki stiffles a groan and lies back down onto the bed. The oaf.

"How are you brother?"

"For the last time, I am not your brother! Also, where is Foster?"

"She's at Lady Darcy's, stay here, you will not leave until you are fully healed."

"Malekith will not wait longer to strike. How long has it been since Svartelfheim?"

"One week and three days."

Loki sighs.

"Malekith's going to come here, he's going to destroy Midgard to find the Aether and rip it out of Foster. We have to bring him back to Asgard where there will be backup. This, Thor, is what the old man meant by Malekith will kill us all if you disobey his orders!"

"You must rest first, you'll be of no use when you're still on the mend from such a wound!"

"Thor, listen to me. I will not rest until the Aether is back in the hands of the Collector. There are more evils in these universes than me or the Dark Elves. What will happen if others hear that an infinity stone is in a weak Midgard woman, on Midgard? We will all die, so move, uncuff me, and let me settle this without you fool."

"No. You're not going anywhere."

Loki grits his teeth and mutters random curses at Thor, at the Norns, at the world, to give him patience.

"Fine, you want the world to be destroyed, welcome the Dark Ages?"

"I thought the dark ages were not real, or in the past," Tony murmurs.

"Well, if anyone knows that Midgard has infinity stones, then Midgard is prone to attack. And despite how strong you think you are, there are those greater than you. With centuries of experience, building up for this moment. You think the Chitauri was the end? Oh no, Stark, **that was just a taste** **of what is to come**."

"Not to interrupt this nice family reunion, but we have to take your vitals," Tony begins.

Loki snarls at him.

"Look, Reindeer Games, we could have just let you die, but we didn't, and you really owe us an explanation. We didn't spend this time nursing you back to health just for you to set it all back from stubborness."

Loki glares, but huffs and concedes.

Loki toys with the cuffs, seemingly deep in thought.

"Have you been in contact with Foster woman yet?" Loki asks Thor.

"She's hiding with Lady Darcy currently. Her episodes are becoming less frequent, I've asked Heimdall to keep an eye on her. Heimdall has agreed to help."

"Heimdall, what could you do without Heimdall," Loki chuckles.

"Probably nothing, lets be honest," Thor sighs and sits down on a nearby chair.

"I am wondering, did the other little pawns on the chess board agree to me being housed here?"

"Vodka Aunt agreed, surprisingly. Birdboy came back a few days ago, saw you, paled, and Vodka Aunt told him to stay in his room. I think he and our lovely Agent is still in his room, or maybe they're in the gym sparring."

"Agent Barton, I would say I apologise for letting him into my mind, it is quite, messy. Chaos."

Tony works in silence as Steve and Thor remain alert.

"What about the green monster, angry boy? How's he been?"

"He's been okay, in control and at least calmed a bit. Vodka Aunt's presence soothes him or something, I don't even know."

"He is lost. He is afraid. Banner has to reconcile with him or they'll tear each other apart," Loki hisses as the bandage comes off, and with it, the pressure.

"Well, we having therapy now with him?"

"Think whatever you want of me, Stark and Rogers. I've seen more than enough of your type. The self-sacrificial, pretend harlot. The wonderful, perfect leader." Loki scoffs.

"And what exactly are you?" Steve asks.

"Oh, he speaks!" Loki exclaims, laughing.

"Are you sure he's sane?" Tony mouths at Thor.

"Believe it or not Tin Can, I am very sane, and I can very much read lips. It comes in handy," Loki smirks.

"Well, you don't seem too stable at the moment."

"A little bit of spearing through the chest, self isolation for months and death of Mother can help heal, I suppose."

"Sir, Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton are heading down to Mr Banner's lab right now," JARVIS informs.

"Ah, your little AI, pity he's not a real person. He's the only one who can make decent conversation here, honestly," Loki comments mildly.

The door opens and Natasha and Clint step in.

2013, date redacted

Natasha decided to only tell Clint when he came back.

Clint had looked like he was about the throw up, but then sat with Natasha for hours, just staring at the wall, collecting his thoughts.

Natasha had let him, had quietly called Maria to tell her to stay away from these floors for the time being. Maria had, god bless her, agreed.

Natasha hadn't pried. Let Clint take out his anger, confusion, fear on her. 

Then Clint stopped. Got better, apologised for taking up her attention. Clint had been ready to face him, made up his resolve.

A day later, and Loki's awake.

Natasha had updated Maria about the situation.

Maria had told her to stay safe, and Natasha had smiled, put her phone away.

They had headed down.

JARVIS must have notified them about their movement.

"Agents," Loki greets, dipping his head.

Natasha scans him, scans the entire room. She gives a terse nod in acknowledgement and sits down, pulling Clint down with her, who was staring suspiciously at Loki.

"So, we're getting the band back together," Loki says.

How the hell did he know a Phineas and Ferb reference?

"How long will you be here?" Natasha asks instead.

"Don't want to see me? Well Agent, the feeling's mutual. But, this oaf princess here has demanded that I stay until I am fully healed. Trust me, I would have left as soon as I woke up."

Natasha leans forward.

""I've done some research on the infinity stones," Natasha begins casually.

"Oh, you have? Do enlighten me, I'm all ears," Loki says, hint of interest in his eyes.

"They're the fundamental of the universe. They make up everything. There's six of them, the Tesseract, or Space, Reality, which is the Aether, Time, Mind, the stone in the Chitauri staff, Soul and Power."

"Hmm, you are right so far. Do go on, tell us."

"You were in possession of the Mind stone in 2012, you were searching for the Space stone. You bring in an army, you try to conquer earth. But that's not the full picture, is it?"

Loki hums, careless and casual, but he is anything but. He shows razor awareness.

Natasha nearly smiles. The prey has fallen into her web.

"Clint has told me a lot. You invade his mind, but you have opened a gateway. He learnt to open the door. He saw, although at the surface, some things."

"Tell me, my Hawk, what did you see?"

Clint bristles at the name, but concedes.

"You weren't the one controlling the army. There was someone else. I didn't see who, didn't hear who either, but I saw you drop off the Bifrost. I saw you end up in a rip of time and space, where you were picked apart by someone, the Other, you said. He remade you and handed you the staff, told you to conquer earth and find the stones. I didn't know what it meant at the time, but I do now."

Loki hums.

"The stones, of course, there is more than one on Midgard. The question is, which?"

"You're hunting down the stones," Natasha clarifies.

"No, I'm keeping them. Relocating them. But, I've always had a soft spot for the Tesseract."

"I've read up about you too. The myths and legends may not be always accurate, but they hold some semblance of truth. You weren't in full control during the attack, were you? There's no way you were so easy to trick. I may be good, but I must admit that you have centuries more experience than me. You purposely messed up, didn't you? Pretended to parade around to catch our attention, when you could have done it sneakily and it would have worked. You took Clint, when you could have taken others less connected to me and S.H.I.E.L.D. You revealed Hulk to be your master plan, so he could beat you. Cognitive recalibration. I thought you were just a crazy lunatic, but I have to say, that's some planning," Natasha shrugs, seeing the shocked faces around her.

Loki smiles, but she can see the tinge of fear behind.

"Good job Agent Romanoff, you're a deadly spider, aren't you?"

"I try my best," Natasha shoots back, giving him a cold smile of Russian winters of her own.

"Brother, is this true?"

Loki sighs.

"Yes. But there is nothing you can do, He is a genocidal madman. He believes that the universe is tipping off its scale, pushing towards extinction. He believes he will save the universe, He wants to court Death. His ultimate goal is to collect all the infinity stones and snap half the population of the universe from existence. He will not stop, His children are all either fanatic followers or fear Him."

"Sounds like a dick," Tony says.

"He is, I suppose. Thanos, the Mad Titan. If he catches wind of the Aether being on Midgard, we're all going to die. So you can let me be on my merry way before he tracks me down and seeks revenge for failing, takes the stones, and destroys half of all life, and I'll go prevent this from happening. Sounds fair?"

"Forgive us if we're wrong, but the last time you decided to take down Thanos you also failed."

Loki scowls.

"That was last time, Agent. I am ready for him now, I will be prepared."

"Brother, you will not-"

"And leave things in your hands? Just like how you were tasked to protect Jane and Mother and failed?"

"Loki-"

"Do not, ever, ever, underestimate me nor the Mad Titan, you understand Thor?" Loki softly says, leaning into stare into Thor's eyes.

Loki, in one swift movement, snaps the handcuffs, crushes them, and lies back down as the Avengers all stand up in preparation to fight.

"Useless mortals, Thor, go check on your little princess, make sure she hasn't been kidnapped and taken apart yet."


	18. Chapter 18

2013, date redacted

Natasha texts Maria to update her on the situation. The woman would be coming with Pepper in an hour.

"Clint, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I have to-"

"Call Laura," Natasha offers, passing him his phone.

"Yeah, I'll help you check on your girls too, hold on, I'll just go," Clint exhales shakily and leaves Natasha in the hallway.

Natasha stares after him, but there's more people she needs to check on.

Next, Tony.

2013, date redacted

"Tony," Natasha says as she strides into his lab.

"Hey Vodka Aunt, what's up? Just been making upgrades to the cuffs, looks like Reindeer Games is stronger than we know, or Thor knew."

"Tony," Natasha says, stopping in front of Tony, making Tony look up.

"Yes, Natasha?"

Oh, Tony's using her name now. 

"Have you tried talking to anyone, Pepper? Rhodey? Heck, even Steve?"

Tony sighs and is going to go back to doing his work when Natasha sits on his table.

"Tony."

Tony sighs and looks at her.

"No, okay? It's not like they can do anything about it. It's over, the problem now is how to contain Loki. So will you please let me work?"

Natasha grips Tony's wrist, preventing him from starting again.

"I'm a spy, Tony. You forget I've been keeping track of you for some time now. I know your patterns. Go get some sleep. Continue tomorrow. Talk to someone, for god's sake. You're not the only one suffering in silence. Just say something, and we're here. You're part of the team, you're not just Iron Man. Heck, you could talk to Maria, she'd understand."

"Our resident Ice Queen? Nah, I'd rather talk to Horned God. No offense, but she's like Nick Fury the second. Cold. Distant. I've seen you put displays of emotion with more range than dear Hill."

"Just because we don't show it around everyone doesn't mean we don't have emotions, Tony. We are human, we need some sort of release. If we were really that sociopathic we wouldn't have been able to clear psych evaluations, which seems like something the Avengers need. Back on track, I'm serious. You have to learn to manage the trauma. Talk, or maybe talk to Dum-E or JARVIS, sometimes when people don't judge its easier to talk."

'Who do you talk to then? sSince you, you know, admitted you have feelings and you're not a robot."

Natasha shoots him a glare.

"Ah, so you don't talk either."

"I compartmentalise. I talk sometimes, but not often. You, however, are not trained to do so. If you really want to know, you can see my files. There's the general gist of it, but I'm sure with that genius brain fo yours you can uncover all the redacted secrets."

Natasha lowers her walls, lets Tony see the first layer to the tight cocoon she keeps herself wrapped up in, in mysteries and secrets and blood and sweat.

"I don't need to know who you were, I only need to know you as you are now," Tony shrugs, and it feels like the first step.

"Get some sleep. It looks like the Avengers will have to assemble soon," Natasha finally says, dipping her head and leaving Tony with a lump in his throat, and the sudden awareness of the bone-deep tiredness he carried.

2013, date redacted

"Thought I'd see you here," Natasha casually says, as she steps into Peggy Carter's room and Steve looks up from reading.

"Natasha darling, it is so good to see you," Peggy says, and Natasha reaches down to give her a brief squeeze before settling down.

"Tell Steve here to stop running to me everytime he needs to talk about Sergeant Barnes. You can talk to more people than me, I'm sure they'll listen," Peggy chides.

"Sorry ma'am," Steve grins.

Natasha falls into silence as she watches Steve interact with Peggy. His eyes light up like something in him had disappeared, but finally reappeared.

After a few hours, Steve is finally getting up to leave.

He opens the door for Natasha, offering exit.

Natasha says goodbye, and they walk together from the dementia centre to the subway.

"So, you came," Steve says to break the silence.

"Of course I did Steve, did you think I didn't know Peggy Carter? She was really nice, but also badass. Made me cookies, but also taught me some fighting tricks. Then treated me to stories about her own life."

"Sounds like a nice time."

Natasha shrugs.

"She knows most of my past, she was informed by Fury, Maria and Sharon. Makes it easier to talk to her, she never judges."

"Yeah, she sees the good in everyone."

Natasha hums in agreement and they walk in silence again.

"Did you and Bucky?" Steve finally asks.

"No, never. We were never involved. He-" Natasha takes in a deep breath. It may be her past, but she didn't like to talk about it. Still, to talk to Steve, the soldier out of his time, she needed them to find shared experience and share it.

"The soldier was nice, in his own way. Sometimes, I think I see James, most of the times it is the cold-blooded warrior toy soldier HYDRA trained and conditioned him to be. He once gave me a flower, said it'd look pretty in my hair. Wore it for an hour before I had to pluck it out and destroy it or Madame would punish me. I wanted to explain. He just shook his head and nodded in understanding."

"What happened next?"

"He broke my leg in three different places, or that's what I remember at least. i don't know, my mind's a mirror maze. Fake memories implanted, distorted, real memories shattered, its a mess in here," Natasha quietly says, pointing to her head.

"I'm sorry." Steve offers.

'It's okay, I've found my purpose. I've got red in my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out. I've found my family, my life, I've found my light. It's a good life, or as good as it can get. I'm not running everyday, every minute. I'm not living in some weird, deja-vu, cruel and distorted dream anymore."

Steve nods in understanding.

"Lets run back to the tower, skip the subway. Whoever's there first gets to call dibs on the nice comfy and softest bean bag in the communal room," Steve says.

Natasha grins and runs off, Steve yelling behind her about cheating.

2013, date redacted

"What did you two do, fly here?" Tony asks as he looks up from the movie currently playing, Bruce stopping his donut stress-eating to stare too.

"We had a race. I won," Natasha smirked.

"There's some food on the kitchen counter that I got JARVIS to buy, by the way, if you need it," Tony offers.

"Thanks, I'm starving. Natasha?"

"I have to go do something first. Make sure Clint eats too, he's probably in the vents again, Birdboy," Natasha chuckles as she grabs an apple and heads out into the glowing evening again.

Steve grabs some food and settles down.

"Do you ever wonder, who's her rock, you know?" Tony casually says.

'Rock?"

"You know, how she stays sane all the time. Manages to have her life together. Not like us, not really messed up, or just is a very good pretender."

"Huh, I don't actually know," Bruce concedes.

"She cares for us, deep down in that 'I am emotionless' facade, unless its all a ruse, something Fury put her up to to keep the Avengers together," Steve admits.

"Yeah, but i don't think I've ever seen her like, broken, you know. Sad, or truly angry."

"Lost," Steve offers.

"Yeah. Like, how is she coping, she needs to share."

"She's got her own light and rock, as you so nicely put it," Clint answers, shocking Tony.

"Yeah, and what is that?" Tony challenges as Clint internally cringes.

"A cat," Clint manages to dodge.

"A cat?" Tony shrieks.

Clint nods, internally wincing. It was better than revealing her and Maria though.

"Oh my god, the lesbian has a cat, she's such a gay," Tony mumbles.


	19. Chapter 19

2013, date redacted

Natasha walks back home. Its a familiar path to her old apartment, where Maria was currently staying at because of the Loki at Stark Tower.

Natasha softly opens the door. Maria's in the shower. Natasha closes and locks the door before going to check the fridge. Maria's been eating takeout today, unacceptable. Natasha got out some spaghetti and cream, and begun to make some actual acceptable dinner.

She's just finished with the cooking of spaghetti when Maria finishes.

"Hey Nattie," Maria greets, coming to wrap her arms around the redhead and resting her chin on Natasha's shoulder.

"Hey Masha, missed you." Natasha turns her head to briefly give her a peck.

"I called the kids today. Galina's made a friend, it seems. Lila's a year older than her in the physical sense. They're, according to Laura, hellions. Yelena's been busy, but she's taught Cooper how to make a rabbit trap. They actually caught a rabbit today, but Lila demanded them to release it."

"Hmm, sit down Masha, You've been busy. I'll finish the cream and we can eat."

Maria smiles and goes off to open some wine that would go well with the carbonara spaghetti.

Natasha brings the two plates to the table and settles down.

They eat in companiable silence, Natasha winding her ankle around Maria's, revelling in the soothing touch.

"So, you've been running Avengers therapy sessions?" Maria says.

'They need it, or they're all going to fall apart." Natasha shrugs and sips her wine.

"You'd be a good therapist, Pepper said that Tony looked more relaxed than he has in years after your talk moved him to go to sleep for more than seven hours consecutively."

Natasha hums and slides her legs to settles on Maria's thighs.

"Loki situation is a bit crazy, we might have to go full on Avengers soon," Natasha admits as Maria traces nonsensical patterns on Natasha's legs.

"Hmm. Lets move to the couch, get comfy. Put on some tv show."

Natasha agrees and turns on the television, tossing the remote to Maria, who catches it.

Natasha settles in between Maria's outstretched legs, Liho suddenly appearing and jumping onto Maria's head.

"Liho, sweetie, please don't sit on my hair," Maria sighs as Natasha giggles at the sight.

Liho purrs and compromises by settling onto her shoulder.

"Looks like Liho's got a new favourite," Natasha teases.

"I still love you the most, don't worry babe," Maria chuckles and kisses Natasha, who turns around to deepen the kiss.

"You know, the boys always wonder how I keep my life together," Natasha murmurs as they break apart.

'What'd you say?"

"I said training. But its always been you, you keep me alive. You make me want to live, Masha, not survive, but live," Natasha answers as she buries her face into Maria's neck.

"You're so sweet, who knew all we needed to get you happy was a cat and a hot commander," Maria smiles.

"You're hot, and a nerd, so yes, we do go well together, don't we? The assassin and the spy, the dork and the nerd," Natasha grins.

"We make a pretty badass couple, yeah."

"When this Loki thing is over, we're going on a vacation together, bring the kids and Liho with us," Natasha says.

"Maybe to Hawaii, or Manila. Or, we could go to Aussie, or maybe Philippines."

Natasha hums and settles deeper into Maria, into her home and her fire, her light. Her rock amidst the stormy seas. 


	20. Chapter 20

2013, date redacted

Loki shifts and sits up.

He glances at a sleeping Thor and a resting Bruce.

Loki tugs at the reinforced handcuffs Tony made. Damn it. Destroying them would take too much energy up, and who knew if Barton was hovering somewhere, ready to put an arrow into his eye.

Thanos. He was coming. He and His Children would not be merciful.

He was once a young, naive boy who thought he was meant to be at the top of the world. Then he fell, like an angel falling from heaven, cast out. For days, or weeks, he lay in the rip of time and space, hate overwhelming him. The things he would do to the world. And the Other found him. The Other took him, broke him, and handed the Mind Stone to him. The idea for Thanos's mission took root in his mind, along with his petty ambition. It fueled his rage and pride, gave him something to do. Loki agreed and everything went downhill from there.

Maybe there was an unconscious part of him fighting against it, for him to mess up a simple invasion this badly. His infiltrating of the Hawk's mind was also on the surface, shallow. It would have taken more than just a few albeit heavy knocks to the head to get rid of the Mind Stone's influence.

Loki regretted that he had to pull these people into his mess. Made things harder, more complicated, and somewhat more entangled.

"Thor," Loki says, nudging his sleeping brother.

"Thor," he repeats.

Loki inhales and exhales.

"Earth to Thor," Loki yells into Thor's ears, and Thor wakes up with a grunt.

"Uncuff me. I need to piss. These Midgardian medicines really fill my bladder."

Thor nods and uncuffs Loki from the bed, but cuffs his hands together again.

"Thor, will you just cuff my ankles together or something, I do need my hands to do things you know," Loki huffs.

Agent Romanoff walks in at that moment, coming in for her shift.

She simply raises her eyebrow at them and settles into the seat Thor vacated.

"Alright, alright, just for now," Thor concedes as he uncuffs Loki again, crouching down to cuff his ankles.

Loki sighs with relief as his seidr was finally allowed a few seconds of freedom. 

He lets it roam around the room, feeling, touching, but not doing anything. Thor would likely strike him with ten bolts of lightning, Agent Romanoff would try to shoot him and Dr Banner would, as the mortals so eloquently put it, Hulk out.

Loki prods as the sleeping doctor, he just swats and goes back to sleep. Loki's magic is more cautious around Agent Romanoff, keeping its distance, but still aware, roving around.

Agent Romanoff was no ordinary human, it seemed. Had traces of the Super Soldier Serum, and some other unidentifiable bits in her.

She, as if feeling Loki's magic, trained her eyes on him, as if silently daring him to do anything.

"There," Thor says as he cuffed Loki's ankle and let the other side of the cuff trail to allow him to walk.

The loss of magic and broken connection from Yggdrasil was disconcerting, to say the least, but Loki could manage. He was deadly even without his magic, having being captured many times over the centuries and having his seidr ripped away from him.

Loki gives a terse nod.

2013, date redacted

Once Loki was healed enough, they begun to plan.

Jane had been brought to Stark Tower a few days prior for protection. Loki's seidr had ripped at the cuffs, roaring to be free in the presence of an infinity stone, to dance, to play.

The final plan was to go back to Asgard. As much as the Midgardians wanted to help, they couldn't really do much about magic.

They would remain here and fight HYDRA. HYDRA was in possession of the sceptre, which had the Mind Stone.

It was agreed that Loki would go on to find the other Stones, and report to Thor daily. Thor would bring Jane back to Asgard for removal of the Aether.

"If I might intrude on your wonderful and idiotic conversation," Loki begun.

They all glared.

Loki sighs and lifts his hands placatingly.

"Alright, but I may know someone who owes me a favour, and he can remove the Aether from Foster and also safeguard the stone."

"Who?"

2013, date redacted

"Here we are," Loki smirks as Jane's jaw slacks.

"Where are we?"

"The Collector's domain. I helped him out of a sticky political related situation at some point, he owes he now. Besides, he'll never give up an Infinity Stone."

'Infinity Stone, you say? Ah, Loki, you were always my favourite," someone says and Loki grins.

"Hello Collector. Feeling the female vibe today, I see you managed to get ahold of Lorelei's hats, they are stunning," Loki greets.

Jane and Thor watch this conversation roll out with some modicum of confusion and amusement.

"Enough of this brother, we must hurry," Thor finally says.

"Don't be impatient Thor. But yes, it is indeed harsh times. I'm afraid we cannot linger for long. I need you to extract the Aether from Lady Foster here, be careful, she's Midgardian. In return, you can keep it, but you must safeguard it. You cannot give this to anyone."

The Collector considers carefully, before accepting the deal.

Loki smiles, as he brings Jane to a table for her to lay down on.

2013, date redacted

"Heimdall," Loki greets as he finds himself in a vision.

"My Prince Loki, it is indeed good to see you. Asgard needs your help. Are you willing to reach out a hand?"

Loki debates. 

But Asgard, no matter what Odin did to him, did not deserve the trouble, especially the young and innocent.

"Yes."

"Good, now listen closely. The Prophecy of Surtur is drawing closer, we must act now. This will be between the two of us, you understand? Let Thor deal with the Dark Elves, they are not as much of a threat."

Loki listens. He promises to carry it out.

For Asgard, for the world.

"I am sorry, my Prince, that you have to bear this weight."

"It's not like I have much to do or live for, isn't it?" Loki wryly chuckles.

Heimdall looks at him, as if contemplating something, but gives him his blessing before Loki is back in his own body and mind at the Collector's.

There was much to do, the God of Mischief sighs.

2013, date redacted

As Natasha Romanoff empties the bullets in her gun, as Tony Stark works on new improvements for JARVIS, the world shudders and groans.

Loki watches from his throne. There are great sacrifices to be made. He has much work to do.


	21. Chapter 21

2015, date redacted

It has been a year since the last encounter with Loki. They had yet to receive any sort of notice from him, but the good thing was that no genocidal Mad Titan had descended upon Earth yet, so that had to count for something.

Natasha pulls her car, or the car she borrowed and might wreck in a few weeks, to Clint's farmhouse.

She strides up and knocks.

The door opens and a pair of arms wrap around her.

"Lila!" Natasha says as she crouches down to hug her. The girl was now a pre-teen, at 9 years old.

"Mom, Dad, Auntie Maria, Auntie Nat is home!" Lila yells and there's footsteps to be heard.

At once, there is Cooper running down the stairs, Galina following right after, but calmly walking down.

"Auntie Nat!" Natasha is enfulged by another pair of arms as she laughs.

"Mama," Galina greets before giving her two kisses on the cheek. Galina didn't do the physical contact, but after particularly long missions or loss of contact she liked to be around Natasha.

"Yelena's still upstairs doing some French work, she's probably busy, I'll get her later," Maria says, appearing from the corner.

"Masha," Natasha breathes.

My love, my life, my light.

Maria smiles and joins them in the group hug, pulling Galina in too.

Maria manoeuvers over Lila's head and kisses Natasha quickly.

"Alright, hug time is over, who wants roast turkey!" Clint yells and the children all enthusiastically run off to the dining room.

"When did you get here?" Natasha asks as she entangles her hands into Maria's.

"Got here in the morning, go get Yelena and we'll go to eat, okay Nat?"

"Yeah, hold on," Natasha gives her hands one last squeeze before she climbs up the stairs to the children's rooms.

Yelena, her sister-child, all grown up it seems.

Natasha knocks on the door and waits.

"Yelena?"

"Yelena?"

"Yelena Belova I swear to god if you do not open this door right now I will not hesitate to let you try to clean your own wound the next time you get a knife to your back!"

The door opens to reveal a tired Yelena.

"Hey Ma, sorry. Didn't hear you, was listening to recordings for school. I hate learning French, Italian's better."

"Dinner's ready, let's go you whiny child."

Yelena scowls.

'I'm 18 Mom, turned eighteen two months ago."

"I know Yelena, I was there for your celebration. You're still my child though, and go freshen up first. You look like you're going to fall asleep standing up. Your coffee detox not really doing good, huh?"

"I need coffee, but Laura refuses to let me drink it, says if I need sleep I should go to bed or have curfews like Galina and the others."

Natasha laughs at Yelena's expense.

"Come on, I'll sneak you a few packs the next time i come over. HYDRA is fucked up, ah dear, Maria is going to kill me if she hears I swore in front of you. Ignore that."

"Never heard a word Ma," Yelena very seriously says.

"Good girl, now go."

"Bossier than Mom," Yelena grumbles, but concedes.

2015, 22 April

Natasha's enjoying her third day at the Barton farm when the Avengers alarm goes off.

"Off the alarm Nat, its literally too early for this bullshit," Maria grumbles.

"Maria. I have to leave soon, Avengers emergency," Natasha murmurs.

Maria's up and awake so fast its actually terrifying.

"I'll miss you babe," Maria sighs and leans her forehead against Natasha's.

"I'll see you soon, got HYDRA motherfuckers to fight," Natasha whispers and kisses Maria.

"Tasha, please help, my extra quivers are in your room, help me get them," Clint knocks on the door.

"Hold on, I'm coming," Natasha calls back and gives Maria's jaw a caress before slipping into her Black Widow suit.

"See you," Maria smiles and waves as Natasha picks up Clint's quiver and arrows before leaving, shutting the door silently behind her.


	22. Chapter 22

2015, 25 April

They've recovered the scepter. The mood is lighter than it has been for months now. They did it. It's a small step, but they did it.

Stark is throwing one of his parties again, and all Natasha can focus on is not eye fucking Maria. It's not her fault she looks gorgeous in that red dress. Red, probably for Natasha, judging by the playful smirks Maria throws in her direction every once in a while.

Natasha distracts herself by playing the bartender role and absently flirting with Bruce. It was fine, Bruce was ace-aro. He didn't mind, he was trying to flirt back too, but awkwardly. He needed help with people skills, it seemed. Bruce was gradually gaining confidence around the Avengers, actually joking and taking part in their plans or pranks nowadays.

And then this fucking murderbot comes, and Natasha's just fighting again. Fighting for her life, fighting to protect the Avengers' sixes, fighting like she's done her whole life.

As they deal with the aftermath, Maria picking out glass from her bare feet like it's dust, Natasha hyperaware, Thor angry at Tony.

Natasha glances at Maria and Maria gives her a slight nod.

I'll be at Barton's farm to protect the others in case, Maria taps on the glass of the table, and Natasha taps an okay back.

2015, date redacted

"I think I may have offended Steve," Maria says as she invites herself into the training room and Natasha pauses her hits on the punching bag.

"Yeah, what did you say?"

"May have insinuiated that the twins were crazy for volunteering for Strucker's experiments," Maria sighs.

"Hit a sore nerve there," Natasha observes, but Maria smiles wryly.

"My dossier. It says Agent Hill lacks a delicate touch and is extremely deficient at relating to people. That's straight from my S.H.I.E.L.D.'s personnel review. Pretty harsh."

Natasha squints at her.

"I wrote that review," Maria shrugs as Natasha cracks a grin.

"Well, looks like I've melted you with my fire, Agent Ice Queen," Natasha purrs as she slinks closer to Maria, pressing up against her in a fluid motion.

"Good thing I enjoy playing with fire," Maria breathes out.

"Careful, you'll burn," Natasha smirks and tilts her head as Maria's hot breath fans on the moist skin.

"We probably should take this somewhere private. JARVIS, delete the footage from me entering to now," Maria says, voice sounding slightly strangled.

"JARVIS isn't around any more Maria," Natasha reminds.

Maria sighs.

"Pity, he was a good AI."

"I'll be leaving to chase Ultron in about thirty minutes. Love you," Natasha sighs as she pulls Maria down for a kiss.

"Mmph. Love you too. Now go kick some butt. Come back to me, okay? I'll be keeping the kids and Bartons safe."

"Love you, bye."

Maria smiles as she leaves.

"You're sashaying, Natasha Romanoff! Don't think I can't see it!"

2015, date redacted

Natasha sits and stares in silence.

_You've got the stamp of the rodina, Natalia, and the rodina wants you back._

Punch to the gut, kick to the knees.

_Yelena stares up at her in horror. "Mama," she cries. "Mama!" She screams._

Cold arms choking her. Her thighs choking someone.

_Chained to that pole. The brunette in the room, the other brunette in her dreams and memories._

Someone carrying her.

_Shooting her protegee. Killing her sister, her girl. Seeing the brunette scream in shock and betrayal and horror._

_The light in her dying, the white cube, the clip-clop of pointe shoes on marble floor like a chess board, move the pieces Natalia, its your turn Natalia, are you the queen or the pawn, are you the spy or the knight in shining armour, you are the Black Widow, the Slavic Shadow, the Red Death, the merciless killer, the assassin, the blank canvas, the shattered mirror, the musical jewellery box wind-up ballerina._

"Tasha."

Natasha closes her eyes and wants to scream, wants to shout.

Yelena has told her about nearly drowning when she was five, when she was taken too.

Natalia was remade in fire, but now she's suffocating from the ashes and smoke.

_Careful, you'll burn_

_My name means light, it will guide you._

_We all, are living in a dream._

_You do not fail, you will not break._

_You will not yield._

_Again, again, again. The dance of spiders, of lone wolves crying out at night, howling at the moon. Shouting for release. You will never be free from the Red Room, Natalia._

Natasha jerks up and bites her tongue so hard to keep from screaming that she tastes blood.

"Tasha," someone is saying. She wants to get up, she wants to scream and run and hide and burn off her fingerprints and become a new person and cover herself so deeply she can't see-

"Tasha, its Clint. We're going to the farm, we're going to see Maria and Yelena and Galina and Lila and Cooper and Laura, okay?"

Clint. Clinton Francis Barton, born June 18th 1982. Like Maria. Maria Christina Hill, born 4th April 1982. The brunette of her memories, the love of her life.

Natasha tenses and nearly cries out in pain as her muscles, which have been tense and twitching for a while now, were put into use again.

"Breathe Tasha, breathe. You got this."

Natasha breathes. Inhales, exhales. Remember your training, Natalia.

"Clint." She breathes.

"Need anything Tasha?"

"Stay. Please. I, I can't go to the farm. I'm going to hurt everyone, please."

'We have a literal god who's also fallen prey to mind tricks and is also recovering as we speak. You will not hurt anyone, I will not allow you to."

Natasha takes in a deep breath and turns her head to look at Clint.

"If I hurt anyone at all, I don't care if its on accident, lock me into a room, or kill me. Natalia, she's still awake. I killed Yelena, I made Maria watch and broke her, I reshaped Galina. I-"

"That's not real Tasha. The witch, she was messing with your head. You are Natasha Romanoff, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., Avenger, hero."

"I feel dirty, unclean. Blood everywhere, hair like fire and blood." Natasha chuckles.

"Black Widow straight out of legends, of hate and disgust, once pride and glory, its ironic," Natasha gives a sad smile.

"Can I touch you?"

"James once said that, he's nice. You'd like him, unless you two have pissing competitions, over territorial males," Natasha mutters, clearly out of it.

Clint puts a hand on her leg, and Natasha gives another chuckle.

"Tasha, listen to me. You are not back there, you are not a monster. You are Natasha Romanoff. You are a hero to the world, a survivor, you are Maria Hill's girlfriend, you are a mother of Yelena and Galina. You are an aunt to my three children, you are not in the Red Room. Red Room is gone, Tasha. You did it."

"I did?"

"Yeah," Clint says, and smiles.

Natasha smiles back at him.

"Here, I've got your phone, you can listen to a few recorded messages from them if you want," Clint holds out her phone, and Natasha accepts gratefully.

They stay like that for the entire ride, listening to their families voices.

2015, date redacted

"Where exactly are we, Legolas?"

Clint smiles, smiles at the familiar farmhouse, heart fluttering in trepidation.

'You have to keep this place a secret, Tony, understand? The rest of you too."

They mutter their agreement as Clint moves to help Natasha up, still disorientated but still doing good enough.

They head up to the farmhouse.

Clint opens the door.

"Honey? I'm home!"

The Avengers look around in confusion.

A woman walks into the hallway.

"Hi. Company. Sorry I didn't call ahead."

Laura smiles nontheless.

"Hey," she says and kisses Clint.

"This is an agent of some kind," Tony asks.

Clint breaks apart from Laura, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Gentlemen, this is Laura."

"Hi, I know all of your names," Laura says, waving.

Tony confusedly waves back.

There's suddenly footsteps from the upper floor.

"Oh, incoming!" Clint says happily.

"Dad!" Lila shouts as she hugs Clint.

Cooper runs down and does the same as Clint scoop them up.

"Hi sweetheart, hey buddy, how are you two doing?"

"These are," Tony begins, waving his hands about," smaller agents."

"Look at your face! Oh my goodness," Clint snorts.

"Did you bring Auntie Nat?" Lila asks as Clint puts her down.

"Why don't you hug her to find out?" Natasha suddenly says, appearing from behind and putting on a genuine smile, letting Lila jump onto her.

"Sorry for barging in on you," Steve finally says.

"Yeah, we would've called ahead, but we were busy having no idea that you existed," Tony snarks.

"Yeah, well, Fury helped me set this up when I joined. He kept it off S.H.I.E.L.D.'s files. I'd like to keep it that way. I figure it's a good place to lie low."

"Honey," Laura says.

There's a slight crunch as Thor accidentally steps on legos but brushes them under the couch.

Natasha lets Lila go, moving to Laura.

"I missed you. How's little Natasha doing?" Natasha cooes.

"She's..." Laura looks guiltily.

"Nathaniel."

Natasha's smile is wiped off her face dramatically as she slowly lowers herself down, trying not to wince at the sore muscles.

"Traitor," she whispers at Laura's belly.

There's a sudden movement as Thor heads out of the place in a hurry, Steve giving a glance and following him.

"Maria and the girls are out in the city today, getting groceries. She left her phone here though, she'll get back in time for dinner," Laura explains.

Natasha gives a wry smile.

"I'll go get a shower and change into something more comfortable, I suppose. Go see your husband, he's pining."

Laura laughs and Natasha also has to chuckle at that.

Natasha leaves. She can go check on the others once she got her defenses up. She needed some time alone.

2015, date redacted

Natasha puts on her robe. She's ready. She's not at full capacity now, but it will do. Steve was out there chopping wood, he needed to let loose some steam, so it was good. Thor had gone to check on the stones, said he would return soon. Tony was, she didn't know, but she suspected it had something to do with the call Laura had made and Tony's disappearance. Now Bruce, he needed support. 

Natasha enters the guest room. The shower goes off in time. He steps out in a towel, immediately blushing slightly as he saw Natasha.

"Hey Bruce, the shower pressure's good in this shower. The best, I would say," Natasha shrugs.

"The hot water's used up, you, eh, may have to wait."

Natasha dramatically sighs.

"Those idiots, shower in there for an hour. There's clothes in the drawer by the way. You still have to be presentable even if you're an Avenger."

Bruce sighs.

"The world just say Hulk. The real Hulk, for the first time. I have to leave."

"You assume that I have to stay? I had this dream. The kind that seems normal at the time, but when you wake...," Natasha contains her shudder.

"What did you dream?"

Natasha breathes in deeply.

"That I was an Avenger. That I was anything more than the assassin they made me."

Bruce sighs again.

"Look, I am a threat to this world. I've got this, this, monster inside me."

Natasha nods. 

"I was made to be a monster. A ruthless killing machine. I was a student of the Red Room Academy," Natasha inhales and exhales.

"I've been made and remade so many times, sometimes I don't think I'm me. I killed my first husband. I killed half of my classmates. I have painted, splashed the world in dark, dark red. I can take down the world with the information I have. I nearly did, many times. No matter what, I am still the Black Widow. I have done so many despicable things that should not be spoken about. Read my files, you'll know. You read them, and tell me if you still think you're the only monster on this team," Natasha shrugs, fighting back tears slipping past against her own will.

Natasha stands to attempt to scrub the sin away from her body, from her skin, and enters the shower, leaving Bruce.

2015, date redacted

"Nick," Natasha greets as she walks into the dining room and sees the familiar man there. It provided a bit of comfort.

"Good to see you Romanoff, but we both know I'm not the one you want to see."

Natasha gives another wry smile, she seemed to be doing that a lot often, didn't she?

Natasha settles herself down as Laura serves dinner, some pasta she made.

"Ultron took you folks out of play to buy himself time. My contacts all say he's building something. The amount of vibranium he made off with, I don't think it's just one thing."

There's a nudging at her, and Natasha looks to see Lila give her a drawing of a butterfly.

Natasha thanks her.

Fury is about to continue when there's a knock on the door.

Natasha fights to keep the smile off her face as Clint grins at her and Lila runs to open the door.

"Galina, you don't have to take off your shoes you know. Yelena, stop blowing gum near me, the bubbles are going to go into my hair," Maria complains as she steps into the house, dropping the keys into her bag.

The Avengers are all staring, jaw dropped, as they see the ex-Deputy Director smile awkwardly, hair flowing and loose, carrying bags of groceries and looking like a housewife even though they've seen her shoot and agent in the foot for touching her and throwing people off the Helicarrier.

Maria meets Natasha's eyes and they have a brief silent conversation.

Oh Nat.

"I'm hangry, why's there suddenly like five more people here? Hey Stark," Yelena casually says.

Galina observes the crowd and disappears behind Yelena to go wash their hands.

"Are you Hill?" Tony asks.

"Very much Maria Hill, unless a Skrull decided to kidnap me and replace me," Maria jokes.

Tony continues spluttering, Thor looking confused but slightly happy at the food, Steve just confused in general, Bruce massaging his forehead.

Maria's attention zeroes in onto Natasha. Natasha had opened up, kicking Clint out of the seat beside her.

"Nat," she breathes, and Natasha's self control audibly **snaps** as she leaps up to jump and cling onto Maria, who manages to catch Natasha and not drop her bags.

"Masha," Natasha's muffled voice says.

"I'm here, I'm here. Heard you were playing mind games again, you okay Nattie?"

Natasha chokes back what suspiciously sounds like a sob as she whispers in rapid Russian and English and Maria just grips Natasha tighter, ignoring the looks the Avengers sent to them.

She vaguely hears Nick tell them to pay attention to what he was saying as she and Natasha just stands there and the tension floods out.

"I missed you, we nearly didn't make it out," Natasha says in a terrified whisper.

"You're Natasha Romanoff, you wouldn't die on me. I won't allow that, I'm Commander Hill," Maria whispers back.

"Let's head back for debrief, Nick's going to get cranky if he needs to repeat," Natasha murmurs.

Maria lets Laura get the groceries from her without letting go of the seemingly tiny woman in her arms and sits down, letting Natasha sit on her lap.

"So, you and Vodka Aunt, since when?" Tony asks.

"Since 2008, Stark, you really missed out a lot," Maria smirks as Tony gasps.

"Yeah, they were being so obvious back then. They were so sweet, it was almost disgusting," Clint adds as Natasha gives him the finer and Maria tsks at Natasha.

Steve was looking a little pale, and when Natasha, who had recovered enough, pointed that out, he turned paler.

"Old age catching up Capsicle?" Tony tries to joke.

"That's because I kissed him once when we were undercover, he was so scared of Mom," Yelena suddenly says, appearing from the stairs.

"Oh my god-" Tony.

"You did WHAT?" that was Maria.

"Oh I am going to literally let the vultures eat you," Natasha growls as Galina appears too, settling down on the sofa beside Yelena.

"And who's that?" Tony points out, pointing at Galina.

'She's our other daughter. Avengers, meet Yelena Belova and Galina Lazarev."


	23. Chapter 23

2015, date redacted

"Okay, so anyone else going to reveal any secret relationships or kids?" Tony says.

Natasha knows Tony is probably somewhat hurt but understands. Natasha couldn't be bothered right now, to hell with her deadly assassin spy cover. Maria was here, Maria, who had not run away from her, who knew her the best, better than herself, who she trusted with her own life. 

Maria, who was currently feeding her bits and pieces of pasta as Natasha clung onto her like she was a lifeline. Maria is, her life, her light. If she had died, if she killed Maria...

Natasha barely represses a shudder and Maria, as if sensing, fixes her pretty ocean blue eyes onto her, grip on Natasha tightening in comfort.

Natasha's only slightly listening to Fury, but she's got the general gist of it. Nick, for once, had no contacts, no information for them. This was a rallying, one that fell pretty flat. Hey, Maria and Natasha's relationship or Clint's and Laura's were probably the highlights.

"Ultron, he's not rebuilding, he's evolving," Bruce suddenly says, fingering at the picture Lila drew Natasha.

"Has anyone been in contact with Helen Cho?" He asks, and the room is silent. 

"We fly out tomorrow," Steve decides, and they eat their dinner in silence, heading to their respective sleep venues.

2015, date redacted

Maria carries Natasha bridal style to their room. Well, Yelena's. Galina was sharing with Yelena and they were staying in Yelena's to allow space for the other Avengers as there was only one guest room with two beds. Thor would be sleeping on the couch and Steve would be sleeping on a mattress Clint had found.

Thank god the girls had demanded for large beds. 

Maria lays Natasha onto the bed as she helps Natasha undress. Its methodical, stress relieving. Natasha lets her, and just stares at Maria, like she was etching her into her memory, her mind.

Maria quickly strips down and crawls in beside Natasha.

"Nat, talk to me sweetie," Maria murmurs, caressing her girlfriend's cheek, jaw, down her body and up again.

Natasha inhales and exhales deeply.

"I thought I had killed Yelena and made you watch. I broke Galina to fit her into the mantle of Black Widow. I made you three-" 

"Nat," Maria states, and guides her to look into her eyes.

_It's okay. I'm here. I love you, you didn't do any of that._

"It's okay," Maria exhales shakily.

_Look at me, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve you._

"Nat," Maria warns, hands stilling on Natasha.

_I nearly killed you so many times, I've brought down regimes and entire organisations within days. I'm not worthy._

Maria's eyes flash with something dangerous.

"Don't you dare Natasha Romanoff," she hisses.

"You're not a monster. You are a hero, Nat. You're trying to atone for your past, for Natalia, for a young little girl who was destroyed and mutilated and violated. It's a good thing, but you are Natasha Romanoff. You're the dork who loves to play with the kids, who sees the good in everyone, who's **soul shines brighter than anything, anything in the universe.** You are loved, respected, valued Nat. You're my girlfriend. I see you, I see your light, your flame. You are a living legend Natasha, and I'm not talking about the Black Widow of legends. You make me happier. I breathe when I'm with you. You and Clint are the glue to hold the Avengers together. The world needs you to save them, Natasha. They know you can. I know you can. I need you, Nat. I will never, ever, let you go down the path of darkness."

"And if I do?"

"I will be your light back to the sun, I swear."

Natasha stares into Maria's eyes. Ocean blue eyes, swirling with emotion.

"Eyes are the key to someone's soul," Natasha absentmindedly murmurs, hands coming up to brush Maria's hair to the side.

Maria stares back. Into the depths of those emerald, light moss green eyes. Sparkling, shining, like the woman she loved.

"You want proof, Natasha? I'll give you proof," Maria suddenly sits up and leads Natasha to the living room.

"Masha," she whispers.

Maria leads her right in front of Mjolnir, on the floor.

"Pick it up," she simply says.

"Maria, I can't, please-" Natasha _begs._

It was unfair to let her so close, so so close to the prize and yet not be able to lift it. Like bringing a toy to a cat and taking it away right as it was about to catch it.

"Pick it up, I know you can Nat," Maria says, and slides her fingers between Natasha's.

Natasha brings her tear filled eyes to Maria's.

"Masha-"

'You are worthy, Natasha Romanoff. Everyone in this farm knows it. Except you, since you doubt yourself so much."

Natasha closes her eyes.

"Nat. Open your eyes. Look at me."

Natasha complies, and finds Maria a few centimetres away from her face, arms around her waist, swaying them gently.

"I love you, Nat. No matter what. I'd reach through your fire even if it makes my frost die," Maria smiles, and Natasha nods, closes that distance between their lips.

There's tears falling, she knows from the salty taste.

They break apart.

"Okay," Natasha agrees.

"Okay, Natasha Romanoff, you can do this," she breathes out, rolling her shoulders back.

Natasha holds the handle of Mjolnir and lifts.


	24. Chapter 24

2015, date redacted

The Avengers find Natasha and Maria curled up together on a kitchen chair in the morning. No one questioned, but Nick did shoot her a congratulatory look. Damn bastard somehow knew all, it seemed.

Maria's mumbling something about coffee, and Laura slides a cup to her which she gratefully receives, letting Natasha steal some sips from her cup. Maria winces as her bones crack from the stiff joints.

Natasha slides into another chair, also looking pale and shaky, but determined. It's a good look on her girlfriend. Natasha's ankles lie on Maria's lap, and Maria absent-mindedly caress them.

"We're leaving at 1000 sharp, it's going to be one good showdown," Steve says.

"We're going to shove Ultron's metal face up his vibranium ass," Clint offers.

"But first, Helen," Tony reminds.

"I have a hunch finding Doctor Cho will lead us to Ultron, she's tough, she'll survive. Let's kick his ass," Steve declares.

"Steve, I thought you didn't like that kind of talk," Natasha mock gasps.

Steve groans, and the adults laugh.

2015, date redacted

It's like another day in the office. Natasha sighs and lets a robot's leg she picked up to smack another robot's head drop to the floor.

Maria Maria Maria.

"Well Avengers, we won," Steve says, but as Natasha sees the young girl staring out at the distance with empty eyes, Natasha thinks that the battle isn't over. Not the one that rages in them, at least. Bruce, she tried so hard, she tried to hold the team together, tried to help, but she failed.

She would not fail again. Marble. Unbreakable, unstoppable. There was another fractured piece added now, Wanda Maximoff. She sees Clint go to her first and Natasha decides that Wanda would be in good hands. 

Natasha sighs and stares up at the sky. 

The battle was over, but what was of the other battles to come? They nearly lost to an AI, what if Thanos really did come?

She had to make sure that when it came to that, they would be ready. Wanda Maximoff would be key in this. Wanda had to grow, had to learn. She couldn't just randomly use her powers on people, and Natasha needed to help her. Guide her.

Natasha would. She had a feeling that they would need a little bit of a regroup. James, still in cryostasis, was making progress, slowly but steadily. About a third of his re programming was complete. It felt like forever, with two years, but as long as James was still fighting, it would be okay.

Natasha straps her guns back into their holsters as she turns back to see Steve checking on Tony and Thor, then settling down together to watch the sky too.

There's this feeling, powerful and overwhelming, that consumes her. 

Steve catches her looking. He winks. It feels like a seal to her, Natasha Romanoff.

There's footsteps behind her, and Natasha turns. In the wreckage of the church that stood in the heart of Sokovia, where she felt slightly unclean from being in a supposedly holy place. 

"Gonna stare all day? I know I look good though," Maria smirks and spreads her arms out.

Natasha breaks into a radiant smile, one that makes her look years younger, like she isn't carrying a burden on her back so heavy that most in the world would crack under, and runs into Maria's arms, where it was safe, perfect, home.

She kisses Maria in the middle of Sokovia, in the heart of the universe.

Its wild, undulated, carefree. Tongues and teeth clash, lips swallowing the other pair. Before she knows it, Natasha's choking back sobs. 

"I got you, I got you baby," Maria soothes, breaking apart and kissing Natasha's forehead tenderly.

Natasha lays her head on Maria's shoulder, they sway gently in the ashes and settling dust and dirt.

It might not be whole, might be broken, but as long as there was Maria, she would always burn brighter than a star. 

Everything fades away as Natasha stares up into Maria's ocean blue eyes, clear and bright, swirling, like a myriad of stardust and mysteries.

"I love you," Natasha breathes.

"I know," Maria replies.


	25. Chapter 25

2015, date redacted

"Avengers," Steve takes in a deep breath.

"Assemble!" Natasha pipes up behind Steve, grin on her face.

Steve sighs and turns around.

"You really had to huh," he mock reprimanded as the other Avengers laugh.

Natasha looks at the other Avengers. Sam, Wanda and Vision.

"And lets head for training. Chop chop, we've got work to do, the bad guys don't wait for us, unless they've got agendas and huge showdowns planned," Natasha chases as they head off to the gyms.

2015, date redacted

"Hi, I'm Natasha, I'll be training you," Natasha says to Wanda.

Wanda nods tensely.

"So," Natasha says, shifting into a defensive position.

"Show me what you've got, no powers because with them you could take down the whole place but it's not what we're after today."

Wanda nods, trying to copy Natasha's stance.

Natasha fakes a jab at Wanda, causing her to duck immediately.

Natasha sweeps out her legs, and Wanda lands heavily on the mat.

Natasha stands and offers out a hand to Wanda.

"That, is how you make someone eat mat. But, we'll be working on your stance for now. Your main defense would be your powers, this is only a backup plan. For your powers, I don't really know much about them, so I can't really help you. You have to learn how to control it. The UN takes accidents and blowing buildings up very seriously."

Wanda nods, accepting the hand.

For the next two hours, they go over some stances, Natasha correcting once in a while. They provided freedom of movement, especially upper body as Wanda usually used her upper body and arms for her magic.

"We're finished for the morning. I'll see you later for your afternoon training. Roll out your sore muscles and put heat packs. They tend to get really tense," Natasha advises.

Wanda nods, inwardly relieved that this was the end. Who knew just going through positions could hurt so much?

"Steve?" Natasha yells to the other end of the gym, probably seeking out a spar match. Well, this should be interesting. Wanda takes a look around, decides that it would be quite fun to stay. 

Wanda heads to the showers to take a quick shower and change.

By the time she comes out, Steve and Natasha are going at each other.

Sam's lying on the floor, Vision doing whatever he usually did.

Wanda sits down on the bench and tries not to stare as she watches Natasha leap into the air and execute a perfect flip and rolls on the ground and gets back up immediately to block the onslaught of punches Steve aims.

Steve backs her into a corner and she slides under Steve, does some weird combination with her legs which makes Steve stumble but not fall.

They square off after each other, ready. Watching.

Natasha suddenly goes for offensive and gives Steve a punch, followed by a high kick to the ear and elbow to the ribs.

Steve holds onto Natasha's waist and flips her over.

Natasha uses her legs to wrap around Steve's neck and pushes him down to the mat.

Natasha sits on Steve, smirking as he admits defeat.

Woah. That was so cool.

Natasha gets up, helping Steve up as Sam clapped.

Natasha, noticing Wanda, winks as Wanda blushes.

Natasha was so cool, but would she forgive her for entering her mind? 

With that thought, she wipes the smile that had wormed her way onto her face and quickly gathers her things.

Natasha frowns at Wanda, but lets her go.


	26. Chapter 26

2015, date redacted

"Yelena!" Natasha cries out as the female steps out of the car.

Yelena smiles and they give each other a brief hug.

"Oh my god, Galina, you've grown taller," Natasha teases as Galina follows after.

"Hey Mama," she greets, accepting the hug from Natasha.

"Masha," she softly says as she kisses Maria.

"Let's go get you three settled in. You've got to meet Wanda, she's this really nice girl, she's a good kid. We all thought she was just really quiet, but what do you know, she's actually flirting and laughing with the others now, its crazy how fast she settles in," Natasha rambles, helping with the bags.

"Yelena, did you pack ten outfits or something?" Maria asks as she lifts up the Yelena's duffle bag.

"No," Yelena answers, leaving it there.

Yelena and Galina wander off to explore.

"I missed you, we have so much to catch up on. How's work?" 

Maria groans. 

"You know, life," she complains as Natasha laughs.

"You just quoted John Mulaney, oh my god," Natasha teases.

"If you ever mention that in front of anyone I will grow my nails out," Maria threatens.

Natasha gasps.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Who wouldn't dare what?" someone asks.

"Wilson," Maria greets.

"Hey Hill, she wouldn't dare what?"

"Maria here," Natasha glares," is threatening to grow out her nails."

Sam shoots her a confused look.

"He's uncultured, its fine," Natasha says.

"It means, no finger sex," Steve says.

"I'd never thought I'd hear the word sex come out from Captain America's saintly, patriotic mouth from heaven," Maria raises an eyebrow.

"But Masha, you love me," Natasha pouts.

"That I do," Maria promises, pecking Natasha who smiles.

"Oh yeah, Wanda, Vision, meet my girlfriend, Maria Hill," Natasha introduces to the pair behind.

Wanda nods shyly as Vision greets her with a "Pleasure to meet you, Ms Hill".

"Maria's staying for a couple of days," Natasha announces.

"Pepper forced me to take leave. Thought I'd take the two tyrants off Clint and Laura's hands," Maria shrugs.

"Pepper is a saint," Natasha firmly says.

"Nice of you to pop by Hill," Sam says and they turn to head back to training.

Natasha slips her fingers between Maria's revelling in the contact, and they head off to the rooms and find Yelena and Galina.

2015, date redacted

They're eating dinner together, some pizza, rolls and salads.

There's a movie playing, Sam and Steve loudly laughing as Vision watches to have a bit of "cultural reset".

"We found Underwood," Yelena says and Natasha nearly chokes.

"She's still alive huh?"

Yelena nods.

"She's hiding. She's been retired for about twenty thirty years. Found her, she's currently in Sweden I think. Relatively safe, good location."

Natasha nods.

"Have you told Peggy yet?"

'No."

"We should visit soon. I heard she's getting... bad."

"Yeah."

2015, date redacted

It started as a friendly competition. Now, not so much.

Who knew Maria was also insanely competitive and touchy about people teasing her about Commander Hill in a desk job?

Well, Natasha, but she usually found it hot when Maria got her game on look on.

So, Maria, Sam and Steve were running laps around the field.

Maria had an advantage, that she played softball in middle and high school. She was used to the field, but Sam and Steve clearly were not. They were used to tracks, concrete, sand or mud. 

It had rained the night before, making the field slippery.

Sam was on his 20th round, Maria on her 25th and Steve on his 42th.

Maria was going at a slow pace, speeding up and picking up the pace gradually. They all had different running habits. Sam tended to open his mouth to get in more air, Steve did it every five rounds. Maria and Natasha usually kept their mouth shut at all times, something Natasha was always taught to do and Maria picked up when she was in track.

It may be tiring, but in the long run, it served more good.

Natasha was sitting on a camping chair she had dragged out, watching in amusement.

Wanda was with Yelena, Galina and Vision, the four of them playing tag.

"Forty minutes!" Natasha shouts.

"Go Maria, you can't beat Steve but you can beat Sam!" Natasha yells.

Sam gives her an outraged look even as he pants.

Maria rolls her eyes fondly and continues, fatigue already leaking into her steps.

Steve was on his 65th round, Maria in second at 44th and Sam in third at his 38th.

They had agreed to reach 75 rounds maximum. Steve was only just beginning to look like he was actually tiring.

Steve whooped as he finished his 75 laps around the field, as Maria and Sam soldiered on.

"You people are overly competitive," Natasha says as Steve settles down in the grass beside her.

"We should have an Avengers sports day. Wait, how about tomorrow? Hill isn't leaving until this sunday, we should do this. Rope in the kids as well, let them compete against each other."

Natasha ponders as she absentmindedly yells encouragement at her girlfriend.

"I see it being chaotic, but we should totally do this. Get Tony, Rhodey and Pepper to come to, its going to be fun. Clint might also be willing to bring his family here."

Steve grins.

"We better get planning then."

Sam gives one final yell before stopping to a walk.

'Okay, Hill! I give up, I've run like 50 rounds and I'm going to die!"

Even from afar, Natasha could see Maria's tired but winning smirk.

Natasha reaches out to let Maria sit in the chair, ignoring Sam's complaints of special treatment.

"Told you Sam, she's been known to run laps around the Helicarrier at 2am in the morning. It would be annoying and noisy, considering she sucks at stealth, but she runs for two hours without stopping and nearly passes out. And me, or Coulson, get on 'bring Maria to her room and force her to sleep' duty," Natasha strokes Maria'a hair, removing the rubber band.

Maria sighs and leans in to the touch.

Sam is busy laying out on the grass, catching his breath.

"Natasha and I have agreed that for team bonding, we should have an Avengers sports day, we can invite Tony, Rhodey, Pepper, Clint, Laura and their kids to come," Steve says.

"Sounds good," Maria agrees and Sam just grunts.

Natasha smiles and sits on Maria's lap, sweaty clothes and all, as Maria wraps her arms around Natasha's waist and rests her chin on Natasha's shoulder, catching her breath.


	27. Chapter 27

2015, date redacted

"You mother-" Sam screams as Clint dodged and dribbled the ball.

The Avenger sports day was going well, alright. They had split up into two teams, one side with Steve, Tony, Rhodey, Sam. The other was Clint, Natasha, Maria and Pepper. Laura had kindly declined playing, but would referee. 

They had just finished a game of football. The agenda for the day was football, basketball, badminton, darts, parkour and a softball-baseball hybrid. They were going to add in water polo or synchronised swimming, but the pool was currently under repairs.

Instead, they would go for ice skating with the kids. The kids were doing their own sports day, or playing monopoly currently if the betrayed screams of Yelena were an indication.

"Goal, Falcon," Clint smirks as he slam dunks.

"110-106," Laura announces.

Natasha, Maria and Clint meet each other's eyes as Pepper moves to her position, defending Tony as he tried to pass the ball to Steve.

Their S.H.I.E.L.D. days gave them an advantage, they could communicate well.

They got into a triangle formatino around Pepper, leaving their goal seemingly unguarded.

"Cap!" Tony yells as he does a wild dribble-pass to Steve, managing to evade.

Clint, Natasha and Maria immediately break their formation, Pepper picking up the cues and moving to the goal while Clint, Natasha and Maria spread out into a line.

Natasha manages to feint and gain possession of the ball.

Clint takes over goalkeeping as Pepper and Maria move, Natasha tossing to Pepper who immediately tosses to Maria.

Clint joines again, sneaking and weaving between players as Maria throw to Clint and Clint shoots.

It lands a few inches away from the hoop, bouncing off the board.

Rhodey is right below and manages to catch it, dribbling and throwing to Sam.

Natasha runs off to the goal, letting Pepper, Clint and Maria move seamlessly together in formation again.

Sam throws across half the court. Steve is jumping up to reach it when Maria herself leaps up to take possession of the ball.

Maria immediately dribbles and throws to Pepper, who tosses to Clint before Tony could run to Clint and defend.

Natasha is somehow already at shooting position. Clint, seeing that the other team was coming to him already, threw to Natasha as Natasha concentrated and tossed.

"Goal!" Maria and Clint yell, Pepper laughing as Natasha smiled, catching the dropping ball.

A whistle blows and the game is over.

"Boom bitches, 1-1," Clint says as he passes Sam.

"That just means we're matched evenly," Sam says.

'Well yeah, but the next activity is badminton, and I know you can't play if your life depends on it. Clint and I have, however, received extensive sports education. Maria played competitively for some time too. Pepper has been playing with Maria for some time since she started working together, is that not right?" Natasha smiles, honey dripping.

"We're fucked," Rhodey mutters.

2015, date redacted

"Serve or choose?" Laura asks as they start the doubles match.

Maria and Pepper would be going up against Rhodey and Tony in the doubles matches, while in the singles Clint would go against Sam and Natasha against Steve.

"Serve," Rhodey decides.

Natasha and Clint lounge at the line judge seats, meeting each other's gazes across the court and grin.

Oh the other team was so going down. Maria had a mean smash, and Pepper was incredible at defense.

Maria and Pepper begun side by side as they got into ready position. 

Tony serves to Pepper as Pepper nets lifts and the shuttle goes to the back court.

"Mine," Rhodey says as he moves back to hit the shuttle.

The shuttle, due to Rhodey's mis timing, reaches the middle of the other court before dropping.

"Mine!" Maria yells as Pepper moves to the back of the front-back position.

Maria smashes and the two men opposite only have time to look as the shuttle comes crashing down in between them.

Maria and Pepper high five as Natasha and Clint whoop.

They were sweeping these badminton matches.

2015, date redacted

"Next, darts," Laura announces.

Tony groans.

"Is this rigged in their favour, Steve? Didn't you and Romanoff plan this?"

"Hey, I had no idea that they played these sports."

"We are very good at what we do, Tin Man," Clint teases.

"I have admitted defeat already, lets just play the best we can," Rhodey miserably says.

"We could still beat them in softball-baseball," Sam says.

"I played baseball," Rhodey offers.

"I did to. In high school. We were best in the country, our rival and us had a lot of beef. Team was like a pack of wolves, hence the team mascot," Maria shrugs.

"Okay, Steve, what the hell?" Sam complains.

"Natasha's an incredible batter too, she may not look like it but she's got a lot of home runs when we have S.H.I.E.L.D. vs CIA vs FBI games," Clint mentions.

"Softball isn't my forte," Pepper admits.

"Did you see when Pepper and Tony got into the thirty seconds lobbing match, then Pepper ended it by doing a drop ball? Hilarious," Natasha says as they laugh at Tony's expense.

"Alright, who's ready to get their asses handed to them?"

2015, date redacted

Natasha does a flip off the railing of Avengers compound as she warms up.

Clint runs up the wall, grabs the railing and does a triple twist off, landing perfectly.

"Popcorn?" Maria offers Pepper as they watch their two representatives try their intimidation technique.

The other team was sending Sam and Steve on.

Pepper accepts as they settle down onto benches, watching Clint and Natasha do tricks and spins and flips off the wall.

"We're crushing the other team," Pepper chuckles as they watch Steve coax Sam into running up the wall and doing a backflip off it without his suit of wings.

"Steve might be good though, but he's not as good as Nat and Clint. Circus boy and ballerina-gymnast, honestly this is just a time for them to flex their skills," Maria laughs as Nat flips Clint off, scaling to the third floor and jumping off, performing a quadruple Arabian and back handspring when reaching the ground.

Steve was now doing handstand walking.

Clint was hanging upside down on the railing, watching.

"Shall we begin?" Laura asks.

2015, date redacted

'Have to admit, that was a cool one, Birdboy," Tony says as they eat lunch, finally resting. They'd rest for two hours before going for softball-baseball and ice skating at last.

Clint shrugs.

"I used to do tightrope and trampoline, picked up a lot of things."

Natasha eats her spring rolls as she discreetly sneaked the mushrooms to Galina, who passed them and hers to Maria.

Galina grins and Natasha winks.

Maria notices, of course, and rolls her eyes.

They spent the rest of the time catching up and allowing digestion before they went off for softball-baseball game of the century.

2015, date redacted

In foresight, what were they expecting when they organised this.

The game was declared a draw as Steve made holes in the net from hitting the ball too far and tearing through the net. 

Of course, if it weren't for those, Maria's team would have won.

Maria was a great pitcher and Galina was a good catcher.

The teams were first, Maria, Natasha, Clint, Pepper, Galina, Wanda and Cooper. It was basically the female dominated team.

The other team was Steve, Sam, Tony, Rhodey, Lila, Yelena and Vision.

Maria pitched, Galina catched, Natasha was first base, Cooper was shortstop, Wanda did third base and Clint was the only outfielder due to lack of members.

They caught many balls but when Steve played, it was very unfair as he always hit homeruns except for the time where he missed the ball due to him miscalculating and bunting.

The first round's overall score for Steve's team was 4. Rhodey had gotten a home run too, and Yelena got the other.

"Super soldier serum, Soviet version," she shrugged.

In the next game, the team was on fire. Natasha got 1 home run, Maria got 3, Galina nearly got one but Vision caught the ball at the last minute, flying up to catch it (they had complained that it was unfair, but they said that using powers was never banned, so Wanda used hers and it quickly turned into a dirty game), Wanda managed to get one too. 

Overall, they concluded the game with a neutral stance, although Tony did hiss at Clint who smirked.

They changed out of their muddy clothes, Maria complaining about needing to clean her boots (yes, she still had them from aforementioned S.H.I.E.L.D. vs CIA vs FBI games, including Clint and Natasha), and they drove off to the rink to skate.

Tony had booked the entire rink for three hours, to the excitement of the Avengers.

Yelena and Natasha had brought their own skates. ("What, Melinda taught me to skate when we were on a mission together. Vancouver, I think," Natasha had said)

Melinda was also the one teaching Yelena to figure skate. Yelena could now do triple axels, she was planning to train for quads. The super soldier serum helped, but she knew from experience that it did not really do much of a difference on the ice.

They quickly put on their skates, Natasha helping Galina as Maria put on hers.

"Oh my god, how to people walk in these," Sam complains.

Tony, surprisingly, was quite good at balancing on them even though it was his first time. Pepper, Maria and the Bartons had skated before.

Galina had gone skating once, when Yelena brought her along. Galina didn't like falling too much though, so she always made sure she balanced and didn't skate too wildly.

Steve, surprisingly, was really bad at skating. He was holding on to the skate support penguin thing, and it was a sight to behold.

"Captain America, defeated by skates and ice!" Natasha teases as she skates past him and Sam, attempting to balance together.

"Very funny Natasha," Steve deadpans, but his eyes widen as Sam lets go of his support, manages to skate for a few metres before falling and grabbing onto Steve, causing them both to topple.

Natasha laughs and pulls them up.

"Come on, even Wanda is doing better than you," Natasha says, pointing to where Wanda was slowly skating with Galina.

Lila and Cooper were following behind, trying to copy Yelena as she flawlessly executes a triple toe loop.

"See you when you've decided that the ice isn't going to hurt you," Natasha winks and skates off to flex her skills, performing a skating combination.

"She's showing off," Maria sighs but stares at Natasha as she spins on one foot while her back was arched and holding one leg up.

"Cap, see ya later alligator! Sam, good luck there!" Tony yells as he and Rhodey support each other, holding on to Pepper.

Natasha stops her spinning and skates over to them again, skidding to a stop and ice spray.

Natasha had a wild grin and kissed Maria.

"Come on, lets go."

Maria lets herself be dragged off by Natasha.

"So, Ice Queen Hill, must be nice being in tune with your subjects," Natasha teases, smile forming as they link arms.

"Don't be sassy, I'm surprised your flame hasn't melted the ice," Maria grumbles.

Natasha gives Maria a peck.

"You know, you have another two days before you go back to work. We could leave the kids with Wanda and the others, they'll take care of them. Then, we can go out of the country, have a date, just like old times," Natasha offers.

"Yeah, I'd like that," Maria agrees, stopping to french kiss Natasha at the side of the rink as they came to an abrupt stop.

There's a whistle from behind and they don't break apart, Natasha flipping who was definitely Clint or Yelena or Tony off.

Natasha pulls Maria closer.


	28. Chapter 28

2016, date redacted

Natasha sits in silence. 

"New York, Sokovia, and the recent one," Ross drones.

He was a power hungry politician, willing to do anything to ascend the ranks, but the rest of the UN, most meant well. They were concerned for their citizens, their countries.

Flick Ross off the chess board, have a good playing field.

Ross puts the Accords down onto the table, leaving the Avengers.

"What if we were to come to a decision you do not like?" Natasha asks, lifting her eyes to stare at Ross, letting her Black Widow persona wrap around her, walls going up higher than ever.

"Then consider yourselves retired," Ross says, and leaves.

2016, date redacted

Natasha sat there as she tried to find a loophole around this, a way of reasoning. All sides were valid. On one hand, from the view of civillians, it was terrifying. They were also getting a little out of hand, they were messes. The Accords would limit them, but for good. It would help keep the innocent safe. But with Ross as the leader... Natasha knew they were just extremely scared of the Avengers. Overthrow Ross, get someone decent on the seat, they might stand a chance of being the Avengers Fury had meant for them to be.

But the Avengers were created to deal with threats the usual men could not. If they were limited by the UN, they would have terrible chances of defeating the attacks. If the Chitauri, if the Mad Titan came, the UN would be terrified. Fear is a double edged sword. Enough of it motivated humans, but too much? The human would be thrown off their game. Then it all depended on what kind of person the human was.

But, Thor had not come to inform them of anything. 

Natasha glances at Sam and Rhodey fighting.

She needed to know who stood on what side to make a decision.

"Tony, you're very quiet," Natasha notes.

"That's because he's made up his mind already," Steve replies, fixing Tony with a hardened look.

Tony got up to make coffee, snarking a bit about coffee grounds.

"This is Charles Spencer," Tony says, bringing out a holographic picture.

Tony explains who he is. Then he says that the boy had died in Sokovia, during Ultron's attack.

"There's no decision making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I'm game. If we can't accept limitations, if we're boundary less…we're no better than the bad guys," Tony concludes.

Tony was suffering from survivor's guilt. PTSD, anxiety, guilt, he probably thought that the Avengers were using him for resources, dismissing him as a bliionaire and playboy, reckless. While he may be, Tony was a genius. Natasha was well aware he was capable of making sound decisions too.

She glances at Wanda, staring blankly into space. She knew that if she signed the Accords, she would be detained and used. Ross did just call all of them weapons, after all. It wasn't Natasha's first time, so she was fine. But the others, they were taking this personally. This is why usually she, Pepper, Maria and Tony dealt with the politics.

Everything Ross said, was to hurt them, used to convince them, but Natasha could see the sense behind it.

Would she hand them over to someone who viewed them as weapons of mass destructions, as things to be controlled though?

It would be easier to manipulate from the inside though. To keep them safe. To keep the Avengers and her family safe.

"Tony has a point," Natasha finally speaks up.

"If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off…" Natasha was practically pleading Steve, letting the first layer of her walls down.

"What happened to the woman who told the government to kiss their ass?" Sam asks.

"Ross is an ass, but we do have to reassess our ways of defeating the villain. The UN do mean well, you know. Not everyone of the politicians are doing this because they want power. We have to re-negotiate slowly, we cannot throw this world into chaos."

Steve abruptly stands and leaves.

Natasha stares.

Then she receives a text of her own.

"Peggy's departed," from Maria.

Natasha bites her lip.

This was going to get messy.

2016, date redacted

Natasha kisses Maria as a thank you and Maria drives off.

Natasha sighs, adjusts her dress before stepping in.

Natasha comforted Steve. She knew, with James still in cryostasis, he would not sign. If he signed, it would be signing James over too. James was considered a criminal too. But where would James go? James was under Tony's care and recovering because of Tony. Steve was, again, thinking with his heart, not his brain.

Still, there was no going back now, only running with it. She just hoped they would stay safe while she helped out from the inside, also helping Tony stay safe. And Maria and Clint and the rest of her family at the farm. They had to stay low, stay undercover.

Maria would be safe, no one besides the Avengers and the Bartons and a few select S.H.I.E.L.D. agents knew about their relationship.

Idiot, she shouldn't have revealed her relationship. Now they had a bargaining chip, anyone could expose her and Maria, anyone could slip up.

She shouldn't have been this relaxed with them.

Who was she kidding, the only one who really knew her, who has been with her this entire time, who had truly earned her trust, were Clint and Maria.

Alarm bells pealed in her head, and she let go of Steve.

She turns around to leave.

2016, date redacted

"Tony, we'll have to let James go. If you sign the Accords, we'll have to hand him over," Natasha says.

Tony nods.

"I'll let him go with Cap."

Natasha evaluates him.

"You know, if we work together, not make any rash decisions, we could just pull this off," Natasha comforts.

"I hope so."

2016, date redacted

James did not go to plan. He had taken one look at Steve, widened his eyes, and ran. 

Natasha was still massaging her forehead. Oh gods, life was getting real hard.

She knew that Steve would take this against himself too, would feel like he failed them.

Natasha beat the shit out of a punching bag.

2016, date redacted

She had called Maria, had calmed down slightly. Maria had told her that she would talk to her after her signing of the Accords. 

Maria had sounded like she disapproved.

Natasha ignored the hollow feeling in her chest.

She couldn't deal with emotions, but the UN, she could.

Natasha notices T'Chaka and T'Challa.

Wakandians. The king and prince.

Natasha apologised for their loss. T'Chaka accepted the apology, putting what looked like a plastered smile.

Natasha gave one too and settled into her assigned seat.

The meeting begun. T'Chaka was starting his speech. Natasha was high on alert. T'Challa was a good man, a skilled warrior by how he moved. He would be a good ally in this dangerous world.

Then, before she could do anything, there was an explosion.

Natasha ducked and drew out her guns, ready to incapacitate.

Her ears were ringing slightly, but she was otherwise unscathed.

She sees T'Challa grabbing T'Chaka, checking for a pulse.

"Medic!" Natasha yells for T'Challa.

T'Challa looked in shock, grieving, sorrow.

Natasha ran down the steps looking out into the horizon.

She kept her guns, but still was on alert.

There was no one in sight.

Natasha sighs. Life just got even more complicated.

2016, date redacted

"I'm sorry for your loss," Natasha offers to T'Challa as he finds him sitting on a bench, his father's ring in his hands.

She needed to evaluate T'Challa, to see if he would make stable decisions.

T'Challa told him about death in his culture. It was quite beautiful, to be honest.

"Barnes is the task force priority," Natasha says. She had received a text from Sharon about the news, about the people that had seen what looked like James.

"I will kill him myself," T'Challa vows. And that's when Natasha decides that she'll keep an eye on him.

2016, date redacted

She and Maria were currently on opposite sides. 

Maria had argued that the UN could be as corrupt as S.H.I.E.L.D. had.

Natasha had rebutted, saying that the Avengers could to, and that they needed to reflect, but with Steve and James and now T'Challa, they would not be able to calm down.

Maria had argued, said that they would be under control of the man who viewed them as weapons, who was going to use them to his advantage.

Natasha had said that they could deal with Ross.

"I hope you know what you're getting into, Natasha Romanoff. Think about it, then we'll see. But if you were Barnes, if you were Wanda, I would not hesitate to rip apart the Accords with my own two hands in front of UN and go into hiding," Maria had said.

Natasha ignores the stab of in her heart. Natasha nods, as she watches Maria with a lump in her throat.

"I'll deal with the consequences," Natasha whispers and leaves.

Love is for children and all other lies Red Room told her.

These are not all lies, she realised.


	29. Chapter 29

2016, date redacted

She was going to slap Steve in his stupid, perfect face. He had to gall to mess everything up, go against the Accords even though he was supposed to be retired, roped James and Sam into this, and was asking about consequences?

Ross was going to have them prosecuted, for fuck's sake.

No man was an island, Steve would never survive on the run by himself. A Captain always needed a team to work.

"Not getting the shield back huh?" Steve, no, Rogers, wryly asks.

"Well technically it belongs to the government, that and Sam's wings," Natasha coldly says, striding into the room looking like she was barely restraining herself.

"Damn that's cold," Sam jokes to ease the tension.

Natasha and Tony give each other a look.

"Warmer than jail," Tony replies as they get on to business.

Her conversation with T'Challa was insightful. The man was calming down, looked like he did regret a bit, but was still filled with a rage that was slowly simmering. He would survive, he would get over it. T'Challa did not strike Natasha as the kind of person who would become a shell of hate.

She stood behind the doors, watching as James, or Soldat, who knew, was detained and in a cell.

The psychiatrist went in.

And he started to talk about James's past.

Natasha had a bad feeling about this, something was going to happen.

"Security measures are in place?" Natasha confirms once again as the guards nod.

The power suddenly goes out.

Run, run, run little spider, the voice is her head whispers.

Natasha runs. She runs out of the room, she runs down the stairs. 

Something's happening.

She runs and runs and runs.

Wait. Stop. Brain before biology, Natasha. Think.

It had to do with James. In that case, she had to be ready to fight.

Natasha slips into the killing calm as she readies her weapons, as she readies herself, a living, breathing weapon.

It took one to know another, Natasha thinks, as she rounds the corner and sees Soldat fighting Tony and Sharon.

Soldat throws Tony into the tables and Sharon goes to engage him.

Natasha runs and leaps onto Soldat's shoulders as Sharon goes flying.

Mind over biology. Breathe, fight for your life, move your piece.

Natasha smashes her elbow against Soldat's head as Soldat tries to shake her off.

Avoid the arm, avoid the arm-

Soldat throws her off and slams her to a table, choking her with the arm.

Romanoff, think-

"You could at least recognize me," Natasha breathes out. 

And there. A flicker of awareness, then it was gone.

Shit, she should have tried Russian.

And then as the lights are blinking in and out, T'Challa comes in and kicks Soldat off her.

Natasha gasps for air.

There's arms around her, and she lashes out wildly.

'Woah woah there, Vodka Aunt, no need to kill me," Tony says.

Natasha opens her eyes and she blinks.

Its Tony.

"Barnes, do not let T'Challa kill him. Incapacitate only," Natasha breathes out, wincing slightly at the bruises forming around her neck. They may fade away in a few hours, but they still hurt.

Natasha was going to check on Maria when she remembered their little disagreement.

Maria and Natasha usually agreed on about everything. This, having no Maria to support her, was frightening. She had become over-dependent on the people around her.

Natasha sighs, hopping off the table.

2016, date redacted

Natasha was now chasing T'Challa. Great.

She stood at his car, waiting.

When he finally arrived, accompanied by guards, one of them was very agressive.

"Move, or you will be moved," she had demanded.

Natasha had stares right at her, and politely refused.

The guards were sizing her up.

Natasha brought her walls down a few notches, daring them to cross her, showed them the wild fury and tempest of flames that burned blue with their intensity.

A flame that lived through cold Russian winters. A controlled flame that burned hot and bright.

T'Challa called them off.

And Natasha talked.

2016, date redacted

Natasha was one second away from adding another mark to her ledger.

Steve Rogers, that bastard. James could not be helped if they were on the run, T'Challa had the resources, Tony had the resources, but all of them had grudges against James.

"You sure you want to punch your way out of this one?" Natasha sighs.

Men, foolish idiotic men, dragging her into their wars because of their selfishness and incapability to use words. At least Tony was better. Clint had become weak, soft, Natasha disapproved. What happened to the Clint Barton she knew? What happened to Maria? What happened to her?

Rogers was staring at Natasha in silence.

Tony, it seemed that he was finally tired of using words (she took it back, she really did, what was happening to them?), called out, and Steve's shield was snatched.

Natasha's mouth presses into a line as she throws herself into the fray.

2016, date redacted

Natasha climbs up the platform.

Oh gods.

What has she let the team fall apart to?

Fury had trusted her and Steve to keep this team together. Fury had entrusted her to help Tony Stark. To help Bruce Banner. She failed, again and again. 

She's failed. Her chess pieces are nearly gone, only leaving the king and a last pawn. Her, a pawn.

And then there was Rhodey and Tony, firing missles, Vision and Wanda firing kill shots, the enlarging guy throwing a freaking gas truck at them, Rogers and Wilson fighting, and Clint, Laura would kill her.

Oh gods.

She's failed. T'Challa was still fighting too, and the little voice in Natasha's head was telling her to _run girl run._

She's failed the Avengers, failed S.H.I.E.L.D., failed Fury, failed Maria, failed the world.

_I followed my heart into the fire_  
 _Got burned, got broken down by desire_  
 _I tried, I tried but the smoke in my eyes_  
 _Left me blurry, blurry and blind_  
 _I picked all the pieces up off the ground_  
 _I've burned all my fingers but that's gone now_  
 _Got the glue in my hands I'm stickin' to the plan_  
 _Stickin' to the plan that says "I can"_

Maria. Think about it, Natasha Romanoff.

_Do anything at all_  
 _I can do anything at all_

Natasha Romanoff is a phoenix who has risen from the flames.

Natasha Romanoff is someone who would not hesitate to defend those she loved, her family.

But if her family was shattered, which piece did she follow?

Natasha Romanoff is the glue. She is the adhesive. When glue hardened, it was hard to break. When the glue got old, it would snap. 

Glue may be destroyed, but fire? Never, not as long as there were people with even a shred of humanity.

May the light guide you to your destiny.

May the sweet sound of singing lead you to your fate.

Time to see what her calling was.

_This is my kiss goodbye_

_You can stand alone and watch me fly_   
_'Cause nothing's keeping me down gonna let it all up_   
_Come on and say right now, right now, right now_   
_This is my big hello_   
_'Cause I'm giving, never letting go_   
_I can finally see, it's not just a dream_   
_When you set it all free, all free, all free_

_You set it all free_   
_(Oh oh oh)_   
_(Oh oh oh)_   
_(Oh oh oh)_

Natasha Romanoff stands and makes her decision.

2016, date redacted

"Rhodey is likely to suffer some kind of paralysis," Tony says, and looks at her.

Natasha bites her lip.

"Steve isn't going to stop," she sighs.

"But you can. We don't need another Rhodey," Natasha says, eyes distant. Maria, she had done it, what did she do now? What did the lone wolf out in the world do now? 

"You let them go!"

Natasha acknowledges this.

"Perhaps we played this wrong," Natasha admits.

There was a flash of shock, of betrayal on Tony's face as Natasha calculates.

"We"? Boy, it must be hard to shake the whole double agent thing, huh? It sticks in the DNA."

Natasha whipped her head around.

How dare he blame this on her-

"Are you incapable of letting go of your ego for one goddamn second?"

"T'Challa told Ross."

Natasha blew all her covers. She would need to run. _Run girl, run._

"You have to watch your back," Natasha says, before leaving.

From the moment she stepped out of this building, Natasha Romanoff would not exist. 

She would remake herself again. Black Widow. Natasha Romanoff was a wolf who had been excluded by her pack, by her own actions and theirs. Black Widow is the deadliest spider in the world, she will not die.

She runs into the shadows and disappears.


	30. Chapter 30

2016, date redacted

Aliya sighs as she sips her tea. Her cover likes tea. She doesn't, but she'll endure.

She's been AWOL and become Aliya Krakenova for two months now.

She's been keeping up with the news of the Avengers. Steve and the others had escaped from the Raft, probably with Tony Stark's help. Clint and Scott were under house arrest. The Avengers who signed the Accords were giving speeches too, Maria and Pepper being forced out to attend hearings and testimonies for the Accords too.

Maria. Natasha missed her, missed her daughters, missed Liho.

But she was not that person anymore. Natasha Romanoff was lost, a skin she shed.

Sometimes Aliya slipped and Natasha came back, but she is Aliya Krakenova. People always asked how did she become a master in espionage? The answer was always the same. I am my covers, I wear them like turn coats.

Aliya switches off the television. 

She's had enough of hearing politicians drone on and about saving the goddamn earth from climate change or something. Couldn't do that without an earth to even save, could they?

The Mad Titan Loki had warned them of years ago had not come, but when he did, she would be prepared to risk it all to kill him. 

But that was a Natasha move. Aliya is a retired gymnast, now a cashier at the old store that sold records a few blocks away from her apartment.

Sweden was very nice, she approves of Dorothy Underwood's choices. Aliya's never met her, and she didn't really intend to. Let her live her life of her own, no point tracking her down anymore.

Her burner phone rings and Aliya is immediately cautious. She never gave away her burner phone number to anyone, not even Maria. Natasha did not want to drag anyone into her own mess that she could damn well sort out on her own.

Aliya carefully moves to the back of the couch and picks up.

"Ah, Miss Romanoff," T'Challa's familiar voice rings.

Aliya slides on her accent.

"Wrong number," she says.

"Miss Romanoff, we have a private jet waiting for you on the rooftop. If you'll kindly follow us, we're providing a place to stay for you and the other rogue Avengers."

"I think you have the wrong number sir," Aliya politely declines.

"Well, you see, Mr Barnes has awoken, and he's asking for you, he won't talk to anyone but you. We tell him you're on the run, but he's not handling it well."

Aliya did not want to deal with this now. James could fuck off.

"And, Miss Romanoff, your family, they miss you too."

Aliya hangs up and destroys the burner phone.

Aliya sees the life she has built around her. In two months, she had accomplished this. 

Was going back really worth it? Who knew if Maria was still willing to be with Natasha? The Avengers, when she had turned on both sides?

Spiders, they weave lies and deceit. Webs and webs of them.

Did they truly want her back or were they going to use her again, just as she would secretly use them?

She can smell her neighbour cooking. They were nice, they had a son and a daughter. Middle aged couple, had stable jobs. 

Aliya's only companion was an aloe vera plant she cared very much for.

She listens to the sounds of wind whipping around. There weren't many cars in the neighbourhood, especially at this time.

Aliya conjures an image of Maria in her head. She notices the details are fading. The blue eyes no longer sparkle like Natasha knows they do. 

The curve of her lips, no longer the same. Felt off, Natasha decides.

_Your family miss you._

Black Widows were not made for love. She had been shown that, repeatedly. Broken, used, remade, tossed away.

But Maria didn't, the little voice in her head betrays her.

"Shut up," Aliya calls out.

"Shut up," she tells it firmly.

You're hurting everyone, the voice continues.

"Shut up!" Aliya screams at the voice, and she wonders distantly if she's going insane.

Let go, Natasha.

Let go.

Just, let go.

And strangely, Aliya lets go.

2016, date redacted

She wakes up an hour later, finding that she had dozed off on the jet.

Natasha rubs her eyes, sitting up. 

"Miss Romanoff, we are landing in Wakanda soon, it is currently about 2029 in Wakanda," T'Challa greets as he notices.

Natasha was only here for business. Check up on Maria, Yelena and Galina, help James out a bit, then she'd probably go back to her apartment. Aliya's matters still need to be settled, after all.

Natasha lets her head loll to the side, as she watches the floor.

2016, date redacted

Natasha must be really tired, as she finds herself being shaken awake.

'We're here," T'Challa simply says.

Natasha silently unbuckles her seat belt, standing to follow T'Challa.

The guards greet their king, and join him as they see Natasha.

Natasha makes herself stand straight. On pointe, knees locked, hyperaware.

"They're in there," T'Challa simply says, opening a door.

For a moment, the Avengers stare at Natasha. She stares back.

Then everything explodes and there's people moving to her, to confirm that she's here, to feel her because holy shit its Natasha Romanoff, she's back.

Natasha doesn't know what to do but let them, distantly, as if her soul had floated out of her body.

Natasha looks around, eyes darting.

Barton, as if noticing this, calls off everyone.

Natasha notices Maria sitting tensely on the couch, purposefully ignoring her gaze.

Natasha sits down on the carpet, she has no belongings, she has nothing. Black Widow has always been born out of nothing except ruin and destruction.

"So, Romanoff, you're back," Tony says.

Natasha nods.

"Sorry," she simply says.

Tony nods. He probably still mistrusts her, but he had forgiven her. 

Maria, however...

"Romanoff, come out for a moment," Maria suddenly says, eyes locking with her own.

Natasha numbly stands up and follows Maria into another room.

They stare at each other for a few minutes.

Maria's giving her a chilly gaze, Natasha giving her a blank one.

Natasha imprints the memory of Maria in her head again, like repainting the picture of Maria. Restoring it, noticing how blue and sparkling her eyes were, with a few flecks of silvery-grey. How Maria exudes grace and agility and power and warmth.

"I'm sorry," Natasha offers.

Maria looks aghast.

'You're sorry? You take part in the airport fight in Germany, you fight, you run off, for TWO MONTHS. You don't call me, you don't text me, you don't inform anyone, you just disappear. You know what I had to tell the kids? Laura? Lila? Cooper? Nathaniel? You make everyone worry, you're here one day and the next you're GONE like you're never here. I leave my door slightly open, my window unlocked, in hopes that you'd come back one day, that you'd reappear and be the little shit in my life, but you NEVER DO. FOR 61 AND THREE QUARTERS OF A DAY," Maria spills, looking angry and hurt and resigned.

Oh. She really messed up, didn't she?

"I'm used to you going AWOL, or going deep undercover. But I spent the entire two months, attending hearings, pretending everything was okay, drinking with Pepper as I cry and pass out with her, I watch the news in hopes of SOME news on you. To prove that you were in my life, that you weren't just some part of my fucking imagination. For two months, Natasha Romanoff. It may not seem like a lot, but to me? It was the worst two months of my entire crappy, fucked up life," Maria's voice drops into a whisper as she sags against the wall, looking like she was going to punch Natasha but also cry.

Natasha lowers her head.

"Oh for gods sake, Romanoff," Maria growls as she pulls Natasha by her wrist and suddenly they're kissing, tears streaming down both of their faces, lips and teeth clashing, biting. There was nothing gentle about this, it was rough, wild, needy, claiming.

"I'm sorry," Natasha chokes out, salty tracks still visible and shining.

'You fucked me up so bad Nattie," Maria cries as she pulls Natasha closer to her, even though they were already pressed together.

'I'm sorry Masha, I love you, I'm sorry," Natasha whispers as she drops her face into Maria's shoulder.

"I-"

"Shh, I'm here Masha. I'm here, I got you," Natasha soothes.

Maria's choked sobs are giving way to soft hiccups now.

Maria brings her hands to tangle into Natasha's hair, now platinum blond.

"You dyed your hair," she murmurs.

"Yeah, you froze me, remember? You froze my fire, my light," Natasha chuckles, tightening her hold around Maria's waist.

They stands like that for god knows how long, and by the time Maria is nearly passed out from exhaustion, when Natasha supports her out, the room is cleared with only Clint there. How T'Challa got him out of house arrest for today, she didn't know.

'See you tomorrow," Clint mouths and Natasha nods.

"Your rooms," the assigned guard says and leads her and Maria to Natasha's room.

Natasha thanks the guard. She helps them strip and burrows both of them under the covers.

Maria automatically tangles her legs into Natasha's and Natasha smiles.

Reunited. Family. Home.


	31. Chapter 31

2016, date redacted

"So, how's team blonde going huh?" Tony asks as she and Maria step into the dining hall, fingers intertwined together.

"Less flashy. More... normal."

"What have you been up to these two months though? Some super secret spy stuff?" Sam asks.

"I've been rebuilding. I blew all my covers, I've exposed HYDRA and Red Room to the world. I'm considered a criminal internationally. I had to stay low. There are enemies everywhere. One misstep and its game over," Natasha explains vaguely.

Natasha meets Clint's eyes over the table. He looked different, more haunted, less like the man she knew and was a team with. But she knew the same look was reflected in her eyes. So they would deal with it, STRIKE Team Delta once again.

"Not to put a damper to the excellent mood of our Vodka Aunt returning, but you really gotta help us with our Winter Soldier situation," Tony says.

"How's he doing? Run me through a briefing," Natasha asks.

"He just sits there in silence. Goes nearly catatonic when someone tries to touch him. We leave him food and water, but he does accept it, when we're not around though."

Natasha hums thoughtfully.

She taps fingers on Maria's thighs, and she taps back.

"He's been through a lot. Re-programming takes a long time, and I'm not only talking about re-setting the brain." There's a gasp from Peter.

"Kid, you should leave-"

"No, its fine Mr Stark."

Natasha blinks and slides her gaze over to Peter.

"I'm talking about neural shocks and re-programming, its bound to take some toll on him. Psychological and emotional trauma, another factor. Rules, boundaries he learnt, mechanical defenses, its still present. HYDRA would starve him, then give him tests. Offer him food or water, if he reacts to it in any way, he's failed and goes another few days without them. Touching, do not touch him, especially his metal arm. He's disorientated, he's lost."

'You seem to know a lot about this matter at hand," T'Challa notes.

"With all due respect, Your Highness, one does not get so far in such a career as mine when you have not been made and remade at least once," Natasha mildly says, although her hands tighten under the table and Maria strokes lightly.

'It's confusing. Especially the first few days, or weeks, or months. You just have to pray that he's strong enough and willing to get through. Do take note of triggers too, it might be possible that HYDRA has hidden triggers that are still dormant in his mind."

"Noted,' Tony absently says, and she can almost see the gears in his mind whirring.

"And Steve? Do not, under any circumstances unless explicitly allowed by him, ask him about his past," Natasha warns, and Steve nods.

'Once you are done with your breakfast, General Okoye and I will escort you and Miss Hill to the room Mr Barnes is at?" T'Challa asks.

"Yes," Natasha says and Maria nods.

Maria gives Natasha's hands a last squeeze before she continues to eat.

2016, date redacted

"Don't get shot again," Maria says as Natasha slips into the room.

"I won't," she promises.

The door slides shut behind her.

Natasha carefully walks to the figure of James back facing the door.

"Иаков," Natasha says, and James' attention snaps to her.

"Наталиа," he murmurs.

"Вы стали блондином," James comments.

"How have you been doing?" Natasha switches to English.

James clears his throat.

"Okay, the people, they are, nice," James manages to say.

"Do you want to know the date?"

James nods.

"It's 2016, June 17," Natasha says, and James' eyes widen slightly.

'No 17," James firmly says, even though he flinches.

"No 17," Natasha repeats.

"I'm Natasha now. New name, new life," Natasha continues.

"Natasha," James tests.

'We, or me and the others, have been busy. We've been tracking HYDRA down, destroying HYDRA."

"Red Room?" James asks, and its all Natasha can do as to not flinch.

"Gone. We've relocated the girls found. Many died. Their Madames had failsafes in them, killswitches. Madame B was merciful, I suppose. Only re-programming, not kill switches to be activated during the collapse."

"You've done it again, huh?"

Natasha gives a wry smile.

'Yeah, Black Widow lives to see another day. Leaves behind a trail fo fire and blood, but what does it matter as long as the enemies are gone?"

"We have rules to abide by," James shrugs.

Natasha nods.

"Oh yeah, meet my girlfriend. You nearly killed her, but I nearly did too, so I guess I can't really say much," Natasha casually says, pointing to the transparent walls and at Maria, who nodded.

"Tell her I'm sorry. Is the girl, Yelena, she's?"

"Safe. She's technically mine now," Natasha offers.

'Where am I?"

"Wakanda," Natasha says.

James gives her a blank look.

"A hidden country in Africa. They've developed and have thrived under anonymity. They're peaceful. Their technology could help you, so you were brought here."

James nods again.

"Help, but not save," James notes.

"That is entirely up to you," Natasha replies.

'I'm sorry I tried to kill you. Again," James amends.

"It's fine. Keeps me on the edge, can't have a Black Widow not aware, can we?" Natasha offers a grin.

The corners of James mouth twitch.

"I'll see you later. For now, this, its real. I give you express permissino to eat, drink, sleep, go use the washroom, do what you want. Do not attack anyone unless they harm you, understood?"

James nods.

Natasha slides off the chair and leaves.

2016, date redacted

"You really laid claim to me, huh," Maria teases.

"You're mine, and don't think I don't see how other men and women look at you. I'm very much informing James that," Natasha firmly says.

"Hmm," Maria hums as Natasha lightly brushes her teeth over the flesh beneath her earlobe.

'PDA in public now, huh? You really want the world to know?" Maria asks.

Natasha stops abruptly.

'If its okay with you. I'm done running from my past," Natasha firmly says.

"I love you," Maria declares, and Natasha resumes her exploration of Maria's neck, the sounds she can draw from her, like the huff as she emits as Natasha teases her skin, the sharp inhale as Natasha nibbles, the gasp as Natasha bites down, and the soft moan as Natasha licks the forming bruise.

"We should really take this to the bedroom, the guards that are watching are probably having too much fun," Maria manages to get out.

'We really should, yeah," Natasha says, but continues to leave a trail of kisses down her jaw, a jaw like Maria's was meant to be kissed, and sucks at her pulse point, making Maria gasp and eyes flutter.

"Nat," she warns.

"Maybe I do like the world to know that you're mine," Natasha hums.

"Exhibitionism and marking. Kinky," Maria teases as Natasha finally stops her administrations to open the door.

"After you, my pretty lady," Natasha mocks, opening the door in a grand flourish.

'Such a jackass," Maria rolls her eyes.

"Jackass and hardass, we always have gone well together," Natasha sighs.

Maria resists the urge to dump her over a railing. She'll have to run down in time to catch her, it wouldn't be worth the effort.

Natasha flops onto the bed.

'We should ask T'Challa to give a set of these to us when we get married," Natasha absentmindedly mumbles, sighing into the soft fabric.

Maria freezes.

"Masha?" Natasha frowns.

"Nothing," Maria quickly dismisses.

Natasha sits up and frowns.

And realises.

'You mean you don't want to get married?"

Natasha's a little hurt, she has to admit. Okay, she's very hurt.

They've been together for eight years.

It may have been rocky, but it was a lot.

"I just, you know, didn't expect this to happen right now," Maria breathes shakily.

"So you want to get married to me?"

"Yes, Natasha, goddamnit, I just, wasn't expecting it to happen so suddenly," Maria admits.

Natasha takes in a deep breath.

'When I ask, or you ask, whatever is fine, you'll say yes right?"

"Yeah. Definitely," Maria promises, letting Natasha guide her to the bed.

"Good. Clint can be the flower girl."

Maria laughs, and Natasha smiles at Maria's relaxed, carefree expressions.

"We'll force Tony to be one too, get them into dresses. Imagine, Steve would have his eyes roll out of their sockets," Maria laughs so hard she snorts.

'You're adorable," Natasha muses, and presses a light kiss on Maria's forehead.

"No, you are. We should probably find something to do. We already called the kids and Laura, we really have nothing else to do now."  


Natasha's eyes twinkle.

'I know something we could do now," she winks.


	32. Chapter 32

2016, date redacted

Maria Hill watches silently from the background as Natasha helps James recover, as Steve Rogers frets, as Tony Stark runs himself ragged by inventing with Shuri and Peter Parker in the young Princess's lab. 

Maria Hill has always done her best work hiding, waiting. In the shadows of the tree where she hides, but it is not a fearful hiding. It is a careful hiding.

Maria has spent her entire life observing people, noticing, then beating them by running faster than them. It's how she's survived this long, after all.

It's how she and Natasha has. Maria couldn't fault Natasha for running after what the press had dubbed "Civil War", its what she would have done too. Its what she did, during HYDRA, running and leaving.

Coulson and his team were continuing the legacy now. 

Natasha was re-writing her own fate.

What was Maria Hill doing?

Nick Fury made her Deputy Director because he trusted, not in her heart, not truly, Nick Fury would never trust anyone's heart fully, but in her steady hands and determination to keep going because the war's not over.

There will always be some war. 

Maria's job wasn't exactly unlike Natasha's. They both did espionage, they both tried to keep things together, prevent them from crumbling. They both ran, and hid, and perhaps that was why they fit so perfectly together, like two pieces of a broken puzzle. Because they understood each other. Maria would never hold Natasha running away against her for long, just like Natasha probably wouldn't to her too.

Maria catches up on her work. Pepper was being very kind and shipping off a lot of her work to other interns, but she had work to do and she would damn well do it.

Don't curse Maria, its unbecoming, Peggy would say.

First time she and Peggy had met they clashed, then after that they got on, as Peggy would say, as right as rain.

Peggy had her own steady hands and clear eyes to depend on too.

Maria respected that.

Maria played the babysitter as she watched over the Avengers for Natasha, who was busy with James.

Well, Barnes would be more appropriate.

When Nick Fury called her, she was not surprised.

"This is Hill," she says the familiar words.

"Hill, I got a job for you. Long term, in partnership with the Avengers. Stark and Rogers finally got their shit together, and I've contacted them. They agreed. So, you ready to fight Agent?"

Maria curls her fists around her Glock she always kept with her.

"I never left," she says.

Maria Hill is always ready, how could she not be when her mind and body has never left the killing field?

'Good. Your mission will be hard, but I'm sure you have the capability to do it."

Maria Hill always outran everyone. The first time she met Natasha, she couldn't. She still couldn't. But she always tried. And that, at the end of the day, may not be satisfactory, or even worth it, but when she finished assembling a gun a few seconds faster, when she crossed that finish line, it always felt like a small victory in her own rights.

2017, date redacted

"This is an Asgardian refugee ship, do not attack, the Statesman is under assault, requesting aid from vessels in range. We are 22 jump points ahead of Asgard and our crew is made up of Asgardian families with very few soldiers."

"Hear me and rejoice. You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Titan. You may think this is suffering. No. It is salvation."

"Universal scales tip toward balance because of your sacrifice. Smile. For even in death, you have become Children of Thanos."

Loki knew he had only a few ways to do this. One, hide the Tesseract and run. Two, give up the Tesseract and kill everyone in the galaxy. Three, fake a Tesseract even though the magic strain may very well destroy him. Four, he could send Thor off using the Tesseract and sacrifice himself.

If the Mad Titan was in a toying mood, the last option might very well work.

Thanos would not claim his as his Child again, not after his betrayal, one after another.

Proxima's breath was on him, spear at his chest, just like in Svartelfheim years ago.

"I know what it's like to lose." Thanos said as he turned around to look at a wounded figure at his feet, "To feel so desperately that you're right... yet to fail, nonetheless."

Thanos. He was truly coming for the stones.

Loki had always been particularly sentient about the tesseract. He is deciding between options one and three now.

As long as the Tesseract was safe, as long as it gave the world a chance to finish the Mad Titan and his Children once and for all.

Thanos lifts Thor up and walks towards Loki, "It's frightening. Turns the legs to jelly. But I ask you, to what end? Dread it, run from it... destiny arrives all the same. And now, it's here. Or should I say... I am." And then he revealed the Infinity Gauntlet in his left hand, the Power Stone glowing in its slot.

Loki would not give up the Tesseract.

The fate of the world depended on him.

Even with one stone, he could destroy the world. But as long as Loki kept it in his secure pocket dimension, not even the other stones could find the Tesseract.

Each stone was like a living thing. Reality, chaos. Time, wise and fair. Mind, controlling, life. Power, force, energy. Soul, the balanced, the mysterious, essence of life. Space, there wasn't a word adequate to describe the Space Stone, just like Loki, he had no labels, he had all the labels.

Perhaps that was why his seidr always danced together with the Tesseract.

He could lead them out of here, if he tried hard enough to conjure enough seidr, just like he had to allow Valkyrie and the refugees to escape, but he was weakened.

Loki had brought this upon the world, he realised.

He had to finish the unfinished game that was still raging on.

"You talk too much," Loki's idiotic brother groans.

"The Tesseract, or your brother's head. I assume you have a preference."

Loki stares at Thor.

He couldn't beat the Mad Titan, but perhaps, he knew someone who could.

"Oh I do, kill away," Loki's resolve hardens.

If this was his last showdown, he would make it spectacular, but not before making Thanos worry slightly.

Thor screams.

Loki would have dragged it out longer, but he sees that there's a literal hole burning through his skull.

No. Mother would be displeased.

"Alright stop!" Loki yells, panting.

"We don't have the Tesseract, it was destroyed on Asgard."

Oh silly, foolish Thor. In his reign under the disguise of Odin he should have gotten Thor into more magic studies.

I'm sorry, Tesseract. Till we meet again.

Loki raises his hand and conjures the Tesseract.

2017, date redacted

Loki wakes up in a pool.

"You have done well, my son," Frigga says.

"Mother," he breathes.

Loki hugs Frigga tightly.

"There is much to be done, battles to be fought, but with your cunning and intelligence. I, Frigga Allmother, bless you, Loki Friggason. Your journey has not come to an end yet, it seems. Go forth and do what you have to, my son. I love you," Frigga says.

"I'm sorry, I love you Mother," Loki says.

Frigga smiles sadly at him.

"I know."


End file.
